The Minecraft Movie
“You’re right, it is harder to create than destroy, that’s why cowards tend to choose the dos.”

A strange portal pulls four misfits into the Overworld, a cubic wonderland that thrives on imagination. To get back home, they will have to embark on a magical quest with a master crafter named Steve, and save Overworld from the evil piglin sorceress, Malgosha.

Minecraft is a video game that was developed and published by the Swedish video game developer Mojang Studios, and released formally in 2011.
Originally created in 2009 by the well-known-in-the-world-of-video-games swedish nazi piece of shit bigot transphobe anti-semite, Markus "Notch" Persson, Minecraft turned out to be a huge hit, which means, because we all live in The Bad Place, that Notch is now a billionaire, a club which only assholes and monsters can belong to. But, hey... at least he's also an ugly moon-faced pink-cheeked overgrown cherub motherfucker, who uses his facial hair as a stand-in for a jawline, and looks like a picture perfect pedophile, especially when he wears one of his dipshit nerd fedoras, so I guess we'll take all the small victories we can get.

Anyway...
Minecraft is what is known as a "sandbox" game, which is a video game with an open-ended gameplay element, providing players with a great degree of freedom and creativity to interact with the game in the way that they choose, and doesn't necessarily have a main objective. The term "sandbox" comes from the idea that while playing in a sandbox, kids can create nearly anything they want within it, if they can just imagine it.
In Minecraft, players can explore a three-dimensional world with a virtually infinite landscape, all of which is made up of boxes. Think Legos. Players move around this world, where they can discover and extract raw materials by mining or logging or whatever, and they can then use those materials to craft tools and items, or build structures or machines. It's only limited by what you can imagine in order to accomplish your goal. Minecraft has two main modes: Survival mode, where the players must acquire resources to survive, and Creative mode, where players start with unlimited resources and the ability to fly. Depending on the specific settings, players can fight hostile mobs, or they can cooperate with, or compete against, the other players. The game also lets its large and dedicated community create and share a wide variety of user-generated modifications, like player skins and custom maps—one server even built the entirety of Westeros from Game of Thrones—there’s all sorts of stuff, on and on and on, it is a game of endlessly possibilities.
Personally, I completely bounced off the game, much in the same way I always have with Legos. It’s just not my preferred creative outlet, but I am by no means indicitive of the public's overall reception of the game. Minecraft is both a critical darling, and one of the best-selling video games ever, with over 350 million copies sold and over 100 million monthly active players. It has won several awards, and is even used as an educational tool. In short, Minecraft is considered to be one of the greatest video games of all time.
So, it was inevitable that a live-action film adaptation would eventually be made, and now here we are. The Minecraft Movie was an undeniable box-office success too, grossing over $955 million dollars worldwide, with a budget of $150 million. It's the highest-grossing film of 2025 currently, and the second-highest-grossing video game film of all time, after The Super Mario Bros. Movie.
Obviously, a sequel is in development.
The Movie

Steve is a struggling doorknob salesman. As a minor, Steve dreamed of being a miner, and when that dream is finally realized, he discovers the Orb of Dominance and the Earth Crystal. When he combines these two strange objects, a mysterious portal opens, and it leads him to a cubist video game world of endless imagination known as The Overworld.
There, he is a visionary King.
But while Steve, along with his faithful Overworld native dog, Dennis, is busy building his own personal Overworld paradise, he ends up a prisoner of the piglin sorceress known as Malgosha, the ruler of a hellish realm of the Overworld known as the Nether, where all creativity is banned. As a child, Malgosha participated in the competition show, Nether's Got Talent, but her dancing was rudely mocked, and now, bitter and hungry for revenge, she hates creativity, and rules the Nether with an iron-hoof.
Above all else, Malgosha wants the Orb of Dominance and the Earth Crystal, as they would allow her to control the Overworld, where she will enjoy stomping out all of its creativity. Margosha's power will then be absolute, and no one will ever be creative again. But her plan is foiled when Steve sends Dennis escape through the portal, back to the real world, so that he hide the Orb and the Crystal safely under Steve’s bed. In doing so, the Orb and the Crystal are separated, and the portal to the Overworld closes, perhaps forever.
Years pass, and some things that should not have been forgotten were lost. History becomes legend. Legend becomes myth. And for a time, the Orb of Dominance and the Earth Crystal passed out of all knowledge.
Until, when chance came, it ensnared a new bearer...

Back in the 1980s, there was a legendary arcade game champion known to the world as Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison. Garrett walks this world unafraid of other people's narrow-minded opinions. He also plays a mean keytar, and drives a 1978 Pontiac Firebird Esprit.
Suck on that, world!
But due to those very same narrow-minded opinions, Garrett is now in Chuglass, Idaho, living off of the fading shreds of his fame, while his second-hand nostalgia video game store fails. So, needing to get a little scratch together in order to get the bank off his back–the man, amirite?–Garrett heads over to the local storage facility auction. In one abandoned unit, packed in amongst the dusty left-behind detritus of some schmuck’s life, Garrett sees his potential salvation in an old Atari Cosmos, which can go for upwards of $26,000.00 at auction. So motivated, Garrett ends up winning the contents of Steve's old house, and an empty Atari Cosmos box.
But within that box, lay the Orb of Dominance and the Earth Crystal...

Dawn is a hustler who can rock active leisure wear like nobody’s business, and also, her car is a mobile zoo. In her spare time, she is also a Real Estate Agent. She helps siblings, Henry and Natalie, settle into their new home in Chuglass, Idaho, where they have just moved, after their mother's recent death.
I don't recognize Henry, but he's the requisite genius weirdo indoor-kid with Hobbit hair and low self esteem, and it's a pretty easy bet that he's going to find his confidence amongst the endless creativity of the Overworld. Natalie, meanwhile, is played by the other girl from the Wednesday show–the one where Wednesday does that hands-hands-hands dance that people love–and she is really trying her best to be responsible, and take care of her and her brother after her mom's death, so she's a bit of a scold, but she’s wearing converse, so she'll probably turn out to be cool.
There's only one reason why anyone would ever move to the town of Chuglass, Idaho, and that's the Industry, the potato chips industry, to be specific. Chuglass, Idaho is the potato chip capital of America, and in Chuglass, the Chuglass Potato Chip Company is king. Their signature brand of potato chips carries the slogan "Potatoes + Oil = Happiness," all with their mascot, Chuggy the Chip, a sentient and bipedal potato chip, whose face betrays the horror of its own self-awareness, featured on the packaging. The simple folk of Chuglass worship the massive statue of Chuggy atop the Chuglass Potato Chip Company factory as if it were a God. Each morning, they step outside and turn their faces toward Chuggy as it looms o'er the town like the rising sun, and they are somehow reassured by the horrifying rictus frozen upon its tatery face, their paltry hopes and dreams are somehow buoyed by its continued presence, and all while Chuggy clings to the factory's smokestack as if it were its only hope to stay erect for yet another day beneath the biblical deluge of its own crippling existential horror.

But despite this local devotion, the Chuglass Potato Chip Company has failed to capture a wider cultural acceptance, and their social media accounts only have 72 followers. Enter Natalie, the Chuglas Potato Chip Company's brand new social media manager.
Unfortunately... on Henry's very first day of school, his experimental jet pack malfunctions, launching like a missile into the beloved Chuggy the Chip statue, destroying it, and sending its fiery remains crashing down atop the potato chip factory. As the Chuglass Potato Chip Company factory was presumably the main source of employment in the town of Chuglass, Idaho, Henry's attempt to impress the local dullards at his school may have just destroyed thousands of lives. A huge part of the population of Chuglass most likely now find themselves suddenly faced with a dark future of unemployment, of starvation, of displacement, perhaps even the loss of loved ones, as family units shatter under the stress, or freeze to death in the harsh clime of Idaho winters, or were crushed in the rubble of the factory's collapse.
Those last poor souls, the ones who were entombed in the wreckage of the factory, they were the lucky ones, blessed as they were with one finally glimpse of their God before the darkness consumed them, gifted with a final chance to gaze up upon the face of Chuggy as he quickly filled their vision, bright with holy fire and seemingly leaning down to them, his hand extended as if to scoop them up and carry them on to their eternal reward in snack chip heaven. They perished with evangelistic tears of joy cutting a muddy trail through the dust covering their cheeks, exaltant at the last. "Praise Chuggy," said in a breathless whisper before they were buried beneath the deafening cacophony of crashing concrete. The unlucky ones burned to death in the factory’s ruins, an agonizing fate in the conflagration of Henry's catastrophic failure, ablaze with onions, salt, and chives. It was an end made all the worse as a single thought tormented them at the last, their hair alight, their brains boiling in their juices. "Why hast thou forsaken me, Chuggy? Did I not serve you faithfully in life, oh Spudded One? Is this my reward?" And then to find that there was nothing waiting for them on the other side, only the cold embrace of nothingness.
No potato. No oil. No happiness...
Meanwhile, in order to avoid expulsion at the hands of his recently divorced Vice Principal Marleen, Henry pays Garrett, a strange man who he randomly met a few hours ago, to pretend to be his uncle and pick him up from school. For a mere $26, Garrett roars up in his 1978 Firebird, turns away from the undeniable amount of sexual chemistry crackling like heat lightning between he and Marleen, and takes Henry to the video game store, where the Orb of Dominance and the Earth Crystal await, like providence foretold by the very stars themselves.
And thus, the inevitable happens...
The Orb of Dominance and the Earth Crystal are reunited, and the portal to the Overworld is open once again!
After that, it's a pretty standard wacky adventure. A lot of running. A lot of screaming. A lot of heroes standing together, and villains falling before them. And of course, Marleen finds happiness in the arms of a new love. In the end, everyone learns the true meaning of friendship, and also the power and wonder of creativity. The fate of the Potato God, Chuggy, however, remains unknown.
Then there's a musical number.

Being as I only have the barest of experience with Minecraft, and I'm definitely unaware of any in-game lore, I imagine Jack Black’s info dump about Overworld at the beginning of the film is a lot like what you “normals” experience whenever I explain comic book character history to you.
Additonally, while I’m sure every bit of this film is a recognizable reference to the game's legions upon legions of dedicated fans, and all the rules totally make sense in that way... for those of us who exist outside the Minecraft world, watching this film feels pretty much the same as it does when watching the live action adaptation of some weird anime with bad subtitles that you've never heard of.
The secret is, you just have to not particularly care if it makes any sense.

A surreal, sarcastic, green-screened cinematic experience of pure don't-give-a-fuck ridiculousness, that leans hard into its absolute nonsense, it’s clear The Minecraft Movie really only exists because of Hollywood’s insatiable greed, their irresistible need to monetize every corporate brand simply because it exists, and their sweaty desperation for a hit film in the theatres, and yet, the film somehow still contains some very sharply barbed bits of satire that accurately skewers the reality of what life is like here in the Idiot Asshole of America, otherwise known as the Heartland.
And honestly, it kind of works.
Kinda.
There’s a lot of true comedic talent appearing in minor roles here. They come at you fast and hard in a storm of hilarity, just casually raining down on you with a ton of incredibly funny throwaway lines as if being funny as fuck don’t cost a thing, and even if it did, they wouldn’t care. Jeremy Clement and Jason Momoa? Jason Momoa and Jennifer Coolidge? Rachel House and Jack Black? Matt Berry and Jennifer Coolidge? Hiram Garcia? There's some funny shit there, people.
And this is all within the first 25 minutes.

After that, yeah, it stumbles a little, it's still fun and fast and light, but it’s also definitely fluff, but what’re you gonna do? The Minecraft Movie isn't totally great? Big shock. Someone get me my fainting couch.
In the end, The Minecraft Movie manages to be a lot more fun than I expected, while still being a soulless bit of corporate IP that's good for the whole family. It also has a nice message on the importance of creativity and friendship, blah, blah, blah, so that's good. It's not super insightful or anything. I'm definitely not saying that it's "good" but still... like I said, it's got some laughs, so y’know, fuck it. What else are you gonna do? Doomscroll as the world falls apart because a bloated and orange-smeared born-on-third-base failson serial rapist, his cult of conmen, Nazis, mega-churches, dipshits, and billionaires, as well as his rabid ugly white Christian bigots supporters, are out for revenge because we won’t smile and tell them they're awesome, and then let them steal with abandon, hurt everyone they hate, and put themselves in charge of deciding how we live, act, dress, and think? Nah. Take a break, my friends.
Have a gummy and watch this weirdo shit. The world will still be ending an hour and forty one minutes later.
Bottom line? This was better than I expected. Is it fair to say that I had zero expectations, so that was actually an incredibly low bar to clear? Yes. Would I watch it again? No. Not on purpose. But if the beginning half-hour was randomly on somewhere? I would sit down and order a beer, and probably some chicken wings too, so hopefully if this happens, I'm in a bar.
