Deadpool & Wolverine

When the Time Variance Authority recruits Deadpool to help safeguard the multiverse, he learns that it will be at the cost of his own universe. Desperate to save the people he loves, Deadpool recruits a down-and-out alternate universe version of Wolverine to help him save his world from destruction.

Obviously, I talk about comic book movies a lot here.

I also bitch pretty regularly about the nonsense smokescreens that people will throw up whenever they’re complaining about superhero movies. I complain about how annoying it is whenever they talk about made-up shit like “superhero fatigue“ or how the stories in comic book film are “too dependent on other movies for the general audience to follow and enjoy,” and how most people just aren’t interested in them anymore, and how they will often cite films like Ant-Man 3 (even though it was the 8th highest grossing film in 2023 domestically) or The Marvels (which, admittedly, was the first MCU film to underperform) as proof that all their bullshit isn’t completely made up simply because they’re big entitled babies who are super butthurt that everything isn’t all about them all the time.

But then, every year, the Box Office receipts prove them wrong, as the Top Ten highest grossing films are always almost all comic book films, or films that might as well be comic book films.

Because while Box Office is never an indication of quality, it’s an undeniable fact that the movie theatre industry is slowly dying these days. Just like it’s undeniable that this is happening because people are generally going to fewer and fewer films in the theatre. COVID started this trend, but reality kept it going, and the reality is this… tickets cost way too much, just so we can sit in filthy facilities, to see a poorly presented film, that has a good chance of being bad, all while surrounded by a general audience that has forgotten, or never really knew, how to act in public.

So now, in this era of people going to the movie theatre less and less, and being more choosey with what they actually go out for, and what exactly they choose to spend their money on, more and more, every ticket purchase becomes a direct indication of the types of films that people actually do want to see. Every ticket purchase is now a testimony to what type of films will make people choose to get off the couch, put on some hard pants, and go to the theatre, willing to put up with all the shit that now comes with going to a public event these days. Now, more than ever, every ticket purchase is from an increasingly smaller pool of films that audiences are simply unwilling to wait for, the films they are most excited for, the films they are most interested in.

And if that’s all true—and it is—then the films that sell the most tickets are simply the kind of films that people most want to see. Because if they didn’t want to see it, they would’ve just stayed home and waited for streaming.

So by that measure—and let’s be honest, Box Office receipts are the only measure that Hollywood cares about—then the latest MCU film, the latest superhero film, the latest comic book film, Deadpool & Wolverine…?

This is exactly the kind of film that the people want.

Within its first month of release, Deadpool & Wolverine made an estimated $545,816,895 at the domestic box office and $596,800,000 at the international box office, for a grand total of $1,142,616,895. That’s an insane amount of money. A billion fucking dollars? In a month! Four weekends? That’s a ridiculous amount of people cramming together into movie theatres to see this film.

By the time this film finally left theatres, it had made $636,745,858 domestically, making it the second highest grossing film in the U.S. in 2024, as well as 12 on the all-time highest domestic gross. And it had a combined domestic/international box office of $1,338,073,645. It lost the top spot in 2024 to Inside Out 2, which made about $40,000,000 more in total, domestic and international combined. Wicked and Moana 2 came close, and they may surpass it in 2025, but they were both late in the year releases, coming out in November-December, so they fell short in 2024 by 200-ish million. After that, no film made even half as much as this ridiculous comic book movie. This means we have a Pixar sequel and a Marvel sequel making more money combined than the next five to ten films on the list in 2024? That’s a pretty clear commentary of what the general audience wants. Again, I’m not saying this means they’re good films, what I saying is that “superhero fatigue” is a bunch of bullshit nonsense from a bunch of whiny entitled dipshits who all need to get themselves a real problem.

But yeah, that said, Deadpool & Wolverine isn’t great.

It’s good, I think. It’s also fun as hell, especially if you like this stuff, and if you watched all the pre-MCU Marvel movies. If you don’t like this kind of stuff, well, whether it’s actually good or not doesn’t matter, as this just might not be a film for you. Same for if you didn’t like the previous Deadpool films either… this one probably isn’t for you. And that’s fine. It’s okay to watch something else. Give yourself that freedom.

For the rest of us, if you haven’t see the film already, then you should know ahead of time that the whole point of this film is shuttering the Fox X-film franchise, as well as all those other pre-MCU films… Daredevil, Elektra, Blade, Ghost Rider, the Punisher, The Fantastic Four… The main point of this film is to turn off the lights on those universes, so that all of those concepts can be reborn in the main MCU in some way, eventually, most likely for the upcoming movie, Avengers: Secret Wars. And being someone who inhabits these nerd spaces, I also know that whenever a comic book movie does this kind of thing, acting as a “bridge” film between eras or phases, some nerds out there get really, really upset about that, so just a head’s up on that. Maybe take your blood pressure medicine before seeing it, or maybe just have a Coke and a smile. Still, even if you do love this stuff, which I do, the story in this film is pretty thin, so just a head’s up on that too.

But like I said… it’s tons of fun.

So…

In the six years since we’ve last saw Wade Wilson, he’s not doing so great.

After using his Time Slide Device, from the end of Deadpool 2, to leap across universes and apply to the Avengers, only to be turned down, Wade has hung up his costume, his twin katanas, and his pair of pistols. He’s still living with Blind Al, his old blind lady best friend and coke buddy, but she can’t stand him because they’re a part of Marvel now and Kevin Feige said they can’t do cocaine any more. On top of that, Vanessa has left him, and has a new boyfriend. So every morning, Wade staples a frankly terrible toupee to his incredibly scarred head, and goes to work at a car dealership, because he’s a car salesman now.

It’s the shittiest life possible.

Actually, the film starts out with Wade digging up the corpse of Logan, from the film Logan, in the hope that Wolverine’s regenerative healing factor means that he isn’t actually dead, and he can then help Wade save his universe. Y’see, he needs Logan’s help because their universe is a slowly atrophying dead-end timeline, and that means everyone he loves will wiped out of existence, but… unfortunately, Logan really is dead, so… that plan’s a big fat no go.

Then the Time Variance Authority (The TVA) from the Loki tv series shows up. They’re an organization in charge of defending the one Sacred Timeline from like… falling apart somehow. It doesn’t matter. They’re Time Cops, and all the shit Wade did in the last Deadpool movie has put him on their naughty list, so they’re here to arrest Wade for too many timestream-related crimes to list, and as a result, he has to use all 206 of Wolverine’s metal-coated bones to kill them, all while Bye, Bye, Bye by N’Sync plays.

Pretty typical Multiversal superhero stuff.

The problem is, Wade isn’t your typical superhero. He’s loud. He’s crude. He doesn’t understand the meaning of boundaries. He swears constantly. He has a tendency to murder his enemies in graphic and humiliating ways. He’s “sexually inappropriate” in front of families with young children. He talks way too much. This is basically why the Avengers didn’t want him.

So yeah, after all that mayhem, we flashback to Wade’s birthday party. It’s a night with all his favorite people in the world, which is basically all the hero characters from the first two Deadpool movies, except for the one guy who turned out to be a sexpest, which I feel like shouldn’t have been a surprise to anyone who has ever seen that guy’s face before, and that’s when the TVA shows up.

The Time Cops take Wade to meet Mr. Paradox, played by Tom from Succession. Paradox offers Wade a place in the MCU, for reasons that are mostly related to this being a Deadpool movie, and the fact that the character is too valuable not to have in the MCU. Wade gets a brand new costume and weapons galore, including a pair of adamantium katanas, which I assume were specifically mentioned to mollify any angry nerd complaints later on in the film.

EXPLANATION FOR THE NORMIES:

Ahem… first mentioned in Marvel Comics in The Avengers #66 in July 1969 as part of the supervillain Ultron's armored body, Adamantium is a fictional metal alloy in Marvel Comics, famously indestructible and even more famously bonded to Wolverine's skeleton and claws. It is said to be able to cut through anything when honed to a razored edge, except for itself. So, if Deadpool had tried to use regular katanas against Wolverine’s claws, they would’ve been sliced in half, and that’s why he gets Adamantium katanas instead.

Class dismissed…

So, because the MCU isn’t as popular as it once was, Wade is convinced that he’s Marvel Jesus, destined to save Marvel from box office disappointment (which was just one of the many things that upset so many stupid reactionary dipshit Christian evangelicals across the country), so Wade embraces the offer.

BUT…

The problem is, Mr. Paradox is mostly interested in testing a macGuffin called a Time Ripper on Wade’s slowly dying universe. The Time Ripper is a prototype that is designed to efficiently “put down” dying universes, a process which usually takes a thousand or so years, in under 72 hours. Y’see, Mr. Paradox dreams of running the TVA, a cold and brutally efficient TVA, and a success here would be quite the feather in his cap.

It turns out, the reason Wade’s universe is dying is because its ”Anchor Being” is now dead. Anchor Beings are apparently an entity of vital importance that, once they die, their universe soon withers, and follows them out of existence. This is a concept that Marvel will be using in the next few years to explain exactly how it is that Robert Downey Jr. is both Iron Man in the MCU, and is now dead, but is also Dr. Doom, presumably from another universe, when he shows up in the Fantastic Four movie (or maybe before then) and goes on to be the Big Bad of The Avengers: Secret Wars film. We’ll see how that plays out. In the meantime, Wade Wilson isn’t an Anchor Being. The Anchor Being of his universe is the previously mentioned Logan, from the movie Logan, the man known as The Wolverine.

Wolverine is one of the biggest names in comics. He first appeared in The Incredible Hulk #181 in November of 1974, and is considered by many to be the second most important debut that happened in that month and year. 

Born in the 1800s as James Howlett, he mostly goes by Logan, for reasons I don’t recall ever hearing. A mutant, he was born with highly enhanced senses, as well as a “healing factor” which basically means he can take almost no end of punishment, and can heal from pretty much any injury, and as a result, just might be immortal. He was also born with razor sharp retractable claws, and as I mentioned above, his claws and his skeleton have all been coated in Adamantium.

He’s a brawler with a hair-trigger temper. A chain-smoking wandering ronin. A truculent little short king. A man of mystery with too much body hair. A murder-machine with a soft and sensitive underside. He’s the best there is at what he does, but also, he’s just another heart in need of rescue, waiting on love’s sweet charity. But like a drifter, he was born to walk alone, going down the only road he’s ever known. I assume he probably smells very manly at all times.

But bad news for Wade, because as I mentioned, his Wolverine is dead. So, Mr. Paradox gives Wade a choice before he uses the Time Ripper on Wade’s universe. Wade can abandon everyone he loves, ditch his home universe, and go live a life of fun and frolic and adventure in the MCU, or… he can go home and go back to being a car salesman loser and die with everyone else. Wade may be an asshole, but he’s a loyal one, and also, he hates being a car salesman, so he chooses Option C… Find a replacement Wolverine from another universe, and have him become the Anchor Being of Wade’s universe, because replacing his universe’s Anchor Being will stop his universe from dying, so then Mr. Paradox and the TVA will have no reason to use the Time Ripper.

What a great idea, right?

Bloody hijinks ensue as Wade runs off, taking a tour of the multiverse, visiting the myriad of Wolverine variants that reside within it. Dead Logan was the first stop, of course. We talked about him. That was the beginning of the movie. Remember? Bye, Bye, bye by N’Sync? A ridiculous amount of murder using Logan’s corpse?

Anyway, he’s super dead.

Moving on!

Deadpool’s next stop is a universe with a Comic Book Accurate Height Wolverine. A true Short King at just 5’3” tall, this is honestly the most accurate version of the mutant superhero to ever appear on screen.

He fails to reach Wade’s high standards…

Next up is the Wolverine from the Age of Apocalypse timeline.

This version of Wolverine is from a universe that resulted after Professor Charles Xavier is murdered by his estranged son, David Haller. A mutant known as Legion (there’s a TV show about him that’s fun), David suffers from Dissociative Identity Disorder, and each personality has a different power, so he uses one to travel back in time and kill his father. Prof X’s death leaves the custody of his dream of mutant and human cohabitation in the hands of his old friend, Magneto. It also leaves the world vulnerable to the genocidal machinations of the seemingly immortal mutant supremacist, Apocalypse. In a nutshell, it’s a shitty place, where most of humanity had been culled, everything is on fire, and anybody who is still alive seems to have a face tattoo.

In this universe, Wolverine, known here as Weapon X, has lost a hand and also is decidedly less friendly, even for Wolverine.

Then there’s Patch.

After the events of the Fall of the Mutants, where it appeared to the rest of the world that the X-Men had died, but were actually living in the Australian outback, where they were invisible to all forms of electronic detection, Wolverine realized that this meant that he couldn’t just go out in the world anymore as Logan, or even as James Howlett, as too many people would recognize him, and this would lead to people finding out that the X-Men were all still alive. So, he needed to come up with a very clever disguise to make himself virtually unrecognizable. He decided to wear an eye patch, and to make his disguise even more impenetrable, he chose a new name too... Patch. Presumably because he wears an eyepatch.

No one suspected a thing.

Next comes the Edge Lord version of Wolverine.

As comic book accurate as the Short King version of Wolverine was, this next version of Wolverine is a 100% accurate version of what the most embarrassing and cringe-inducing comic book fans wish Wolverine was. Played by ubermensch uber-nerd, Henry Cavil, this Wolverine is a big-ass, strappin’ motherfucker. He’s a heart-breaker and a life-taker, just an absolute slab of man-beef. He’s huge! And so god damn manly too! He’s fixing a motorcycle, for God’s sake!

But ultimately, this was just a cameo, a bit of red meat tossed to the weirdos and big babies in the Snyder Cult, and let me tell you, they ate that shit up and begged for more. BEGGED!

But too bad, so sad! Blink and you missed it. Suck it, nerds!

After that, we meet Old Man Logan.

Hailing from a universe where the supervillains all teamed up, wiped out the superheroes, and then took over the world, this version of Wolverine was tricked into killing all of the X-Men by Mysterio’s illusions, whose his powers had been amplfied by other supervillains. Once the illusion was dispelled, and he saw what he had done, Wolverine despaired and wandered off into the wilderness to die. He didn’t—such is the curse of having an healing factor—and so, 50 years later, he’s a pacifist and a farmer, trying to scratch a life out of a shitty patch of land.

Then one day, the inbred and mobbed-up redneck children of the Hulk show up, and demand he repay his loans to them in full, or they’ll kill his family. This sends Logan on an odyssey, along with his old friend and former superhero, the long-ago blinded archer, Hawkeye, across a Mad Max-like dystopian America of murdered superheroes and shattered legacies, a world ruled by supervillains.

Also, they’re driving the Spider-buggy.

As a story, it definitely has some issues, mostly because the writer, Mark Millar, is a shithead, but for the most part, it’s a good time. Plus, this version of Wolverine, the old man version, in the aftermath of the universe being reformed, following the collapse of the Multiverse, he managed to escape his dystopian world, and ended up in the main Marvel world, and for a time, he was the official Wolverine while the regular one was dead. That makes sense, right?

Anyway, he was my favorite version.

Then there was a Wolverine who was having a bad day.

After the Fall of the Mutants, while the world believed that the X-men were dead, they ended up in the Australian outback. There, they came across an isolated and rundown old mining town. It was the home of a group of murderous mercenaries known as the Reavers. Cyborg soldiers who specialize in killing mutants, who were obviously inspired by James Cameron and the Terminator franchise, they had bad ass names like Pretty Boy, Skullbuster, Bonebreaker, and Josh. The X-men kicked their asses, and then took over the town as their new home and base of operations. For awhile, things were good, there was a lot of X-Women hanging out in bikinis, because it’s hot in the Outback, or X-Women taking showers, with wisps of steam hiding their nakedness, because it was also very dusty in the Outback, y’see.

But eventually, the Reavers returned for revenge.

Luckily, the X-Men weren’t home. This may have been around the time the majority of the team had gone through the Seige Perilous, a hand mirror and dimensional portal that took away their invisibility to all forms of electronic detection, and also briefly gave them new lives, but I can’t say for sure without doing some googling I’m not interested in doing. The X-Men comic was pretty… hodge-podge as far as narrative goes during this time.

Anyway, when Wolverine returned from one of his walkabouts, probably while disguised as Patch, the Reavers caught him unaware and crucified him. Then they kept him there and tortured him for pleasure as they enjoyed ransacking through the X-Women’s many drawers filled with bikinis. So, this part in the film is based off the famous cover of Uncanny X-Men #251 by Marc Silvestri.

This scene was also one of the reasons why those dipshit Evangelical Christians were so angry at this film, because obviously, only Jesus has ever been crucified, and also being crucified on a big X over a field of bloody skulls is exactly like what happened in the Bible, so this was obviously meant to mock Jesus, right? Can’t get nothing past these guys! And people say these cultists are fucking stupid!

For shame!

Anyway…

After that, we got the best Wolverine, the Wolverine in the brown and mustard outfit. This film made a big deal of putting Wolverine in the more classic yellow costume, but the brown and mustard costume is the better one. This was the first costume I knew Wolverine in, so it’s my favorite.

I wish they had used this version instead.

Also, they did the classic shot where the Hulk was reflected in his claws.

Classic.

Anyway, Wade ultimately ends up “recruiting” the one known as the Worst Wolverine, the one who failed his universe and as a result, all of his friends died. Still, new Wolverine, new Anchor Being, right?

Problem solved.

Unfortunately, Mr. Paradox has no interest in this plan, certainly not with the “Worst” Wolverine, so the TVA uses their Time Sticks to dissolve Wade and Logan, and teleport them both to The Void.

So, if you didn’t watch the two seasons of The Loki tv show, then The Void is basically a kind of garbage dump space between universes where the TVA sends the leftover pieces of dead universes, as well as any troublesome variants to just… live in exile for as long as they can in this strange post-apocalyptic wasteland of garbage and corpses and orphaned superheroes and supervillains. Given the Mad Max nature of the place, not to mention the fact a sentient storm, known as Alioth, roams around, gobbling up everything in its path like a thundercloud vacuum cleaner, folks generally don’t last very long. So, technically, while they’re not officially condemned to death, the pretty much are.

This is where we finally get a good ol’ fashioned Deadpool vs Wolverine throw-down, but soon enough we meet the other bad guy…

Cassandra Nova, twin sister of the X-Men‘s founder, Professor Charles Xavier. Now, Cassandra has a pretty unique origin. See, while she and Charles were still in the womb together, Charles recognized her pure evil nature, and killed her, and then he consumed her.

Yep. You read that right.

Unfortunately, the fetal Cassandra was quick on her feet, and she used her impressive telepathic abilities to slip her essence deep within the mind of the fetal Xavier. Eventually, she escaped and created her own body, using a process known as “fuck you, don’t worry about it” and ever since then, like a twisted evil mirror version of Xavier, she has dedicated her life to destroying Xavier and his dream, which meant killing as many mutants as possible.

She also has really long fingers, which are super creepy.

Cassandra Nova rules The Void, because she’s an insane, super-powered psionic god. She also has a bunch of evil variants from other non-MCU films working for her, like Sabertooth, Toad, Pyro, and Lady Deathstrike from the first couple X-Men movies. A version of the Juggernaut, Quill, Arclight, and Callisto from X-Men: Last Stand. The Russian, from one of the Punisher movies. Blob from X-Men Origins: Wolverine. Azreal from X-Men: First Class. A version of Bullseye from the movie Daredevil. Psylocke From X-Men: Apocalypse, I think. Maybe more that I missed. Plus, an absolute buttload of redshirts.

They all live in the giant skeletal corpse of Scott Lang, The Giant-Man.

Cassandra Nova also has a Sling Ring that she took off a Dr. Strange variant she killed, and Deadpool and Wolverine need it to get out of The Void. Lucky for those two, there‘s a resistance against Cassandra’s rule, and they’re all bad asses.

I love them.

Blade needs no introduction, of course. First appearing in the Tomb of Dracula #10 in July 1973, he is Dhampir vampire hunter known as The Daywalker. He is the best, as is his introduction in the first Blade movie. Originally based off Jim Brown, sporting an Afro, and wielding teak-bladed knives, he has all the vampire’s strengths, and none of their weaknesses. But one thing I’ve always wondered, was why he was even called “Blade” in the first place, if he started out with wooden weapons...

Also, I will never not be mad that Blade’s daughter, the marvel comics character Brielle "Bri" Brooks uses “Bloodline” for a code name instead of “Cutlass.” I mean, I get it, she’s Blade’s daughter, and part vampire, so bloodline and blood are a part of who she is, but still…. she’s Blade’s daughter, and what do blades do? Cut. Also, she’s a “lass.” Plus, a cutlass is a kind of blade, and where her father is known to use a katana, she could use a cutlass, right?

Ugh, spilled milk, but still, it drives me crazy.

Anyway, with the shuttering of all the pre-MCU Marvel movie universes, Blade is now here in The Void, still dealing with mother fuckers trying to ice skate uphill. But why he doesn’t have his katana in this film, I have no idea.

That also drives me crazy.

Laura Kinney, known as X-23, was from the movie Logan, and she’s amazing. A samurai sword trying to become a real girl, Laura is a female clone/daughter of Wolverine.

Although, I’m pretty sure she isn’t the same Laura from the movie, as that film takes place in Deadpool’s universe too, as we saw in the beginning of the movie. Or maybe the movie is from this Laura’s universe, and a slightly different version of the film happened in Deadpool’s universe… whatever. Doesn’t matter.

Either way, it seems like she had the same experience in her universe, as she’s here in The Void with the same backpack and sunglasses, and ready to cut some mother fuckers up.

Elektra hails from both the Daredevil movie, and its spin-off Elektra film. She’s played by Jennifer Garner, who is delightful, and who also decided not to wear the character’s more traditional midriff exposing top because “Elektra has had three kids, guys.”

A highly trained assassin of Greek descent, who wields a pair of sais as her trademark weapons, she was created by Frank Miller in 1981 for his legendary run of Daredevil. She’s died so many times at this point, who can keep track anymore. Whatever her status is in other universes, this version is now here in The Void, still fighting the good fight.

Daredevil was here in The Void too, apparently, for awhile at least, but he died trying to take out Cassandra. Elektra is okay with that though, as he was played by her ex-husband Ben Affleck in the Daredevil film.

And then there’s Gambit…

Created by Chris Claremont and Jim Lee, and first drawn by artist Mike Collins, Remy LeBeau, or Gambit, first appeared in Uncanny X-Men Annual #14 in July, 1990. He is comics-in-the-90’s personified, the pure essence of neon hypercolor t-shirts and Vanilla Ice distilled into one floppy-haired, weird ski-mask-and-trench-coat-clad badass in pink body armor and knee-high boots.

What exactly is the theme of this outfit, Remy?

Anyway, my point is, after Deadpool and Cable, Gambit is maybe the most 90s comic book character ever. One time, in one of the Marvel Swimsuit issues… yes, those were things… they showed his bedroom. Black silk sheets, people. Black silk sheets. And because some terrible nerd wrote the Marvel Swimsuit Issues, it was totally meant to be awesome too.

Anyway, a smooth as silk ladies’ man, Gambit is a Cajun from the city of N‘Orleans, mon ami, so he has the most ridiculous New Orleans meets Pepe LePew accent in the world. Preferring to dress like Johnny Depp after a scarf and ring sale in his day-to-day life, he’s a member of the “Thieves‘ Guild,” is skilled in hand-to-hand combat and the use of a bo staff, and is also a mutant born with the ability to create kinetic energy, which then he uses to “charge” objects, usually playing cards. He then throws those playing cards like some weird busker on a pedestrian mall, and when they hit their target, they explode. This is why he’s called Gambit, by the way, because his powers are a "gambit.” Y’see, he must destroy something to use his abilities, or make a sacrifice to gain the upper hand, and in chess, this is what’s known as a gambit, m’lady. Like I said, he’s an Uber-Nerd’s wet dream of what an awesome guy is like.

Basically, Gambit is the worst, which also makes him the best, and Channing Tatum fucking nailed it. Absolutely perfect and so much more. I would love to see him bring Gambit back in another movie. He was fantastic.

So, these discarded heroes agree to join Deadpool and Wolverine in one last chance to take down Cassandra Nova, not only so that Wade and Logan can make it back home, but so that they might have a chance to finally have a heroic ending for their stories.

Oh, I almost forgot, Johnny Storm is there too, Marvel comic’s favorite d-bag. Deadpool mistakes him for Captain America at first, because Chris Evan’s played both characters, but nope…

It’s Johnny Storm.

A reinvention of the android character known as The Human Torch, one of Marvel’s first characters from 1939, from when it was known as Timely Comics, this version of the Human Torch is Johnny Storm, the brash hot-headed brother of the brilliant scientist, Susan Storm. In Fantastic Four #1 way back in November 1961, Johnny and his sister Sue, along with pilot, Ben Grimm, and lead scientist, Reed Richards, stole a rocket ship so that they could do a science experiment. But while they were in space, they were bombarded with “cosmic rays,” giving them all strange powers. Johnny gained the ability to become fly and shot fire, all while he is engulfed in flame, hence… The Human Torch.

Unfortunately for ol’ Johnny, the variant versions of the Fantastic Four don’t fare too well in the MCU…

But other than that one little hiccup, after an epic battle, Deadpool and Wolverine manage to escape, and the rest of the heroes get their heroic ending.

But back on Deadpool’s world, before they can stop Mr. Paradox and his Time Ripper, Wade and Logan find themselves facing the assembled assholes of the Deadpool Corps, a collection of murderous Deadpool variants from across the multiverse, like… Ladypool, a lady version of Deadpool, or Kidpool, a kid version of Deadpool, or Babypool, a baby version of Deadpool, or Headpool, a floating zombie head version of Deadpool, or Cowboypool, a… well, you probably get the pattern by now. There’s also Canadapool, Dancepool, Welshpool, Deadpool 2099, Roninpool, Knightpool, Zenpool, Golden Age Deadpool. So many Deadpools for Deadpool and Wolverine to kill in a big climatic battle.

Which they do. Multiple times, because, y’know… they all have healing factors.

There’s also Dogpool…

In the end, asses are kicked, sacrifices are made, friendships are forged, and Deadpool and Wolverine find themselves with a bright new hopeful future ahead of them in the MCU. Also, Gambit and X-23 survived.

And if all that wasn’t satisfying enough, the film also had a couple of Easter eggs and comic book references in the background, most of which were strewn around The Void, like… Thor’s helmet. Hydra Cap’s shield. Captain America’s prototype shield, and his motorcycle. Moon Knight’s Cupcake Truck. Tony Stark’s first arc reactor. The Fantasticar. The Milano. A dead Chitauri Leviathan. The Helicarrier. A Sentinel’s foot. Dr. Strange’s cloak. Odin’s palace. The Black Order’s Ring Ships. The logo of 20th Century Fox. The Red Skull’s car. A store that was called Liefeld's Just Feet. Secret Wars #5. Spider-man’s thwips. The Scarlet Witch’s bas relief from Wundagore Mountain. Hulk’s monster skull bed from Thor: Ragnarok. The Golden Gate Bridge. Schwarma. Even a Trains, Planes, And Automobiles reference.

Among many, many more…

Like I said earlier, this film is a ton of fun, but yeah, it’s definitely light on the story, and y’know, Ryan Reynolds is Ryan Reynolds, which means he is a constant stream of patter, and Deadpool is even more Deadpool, which means a swearing and murderous Bugs Bunny with guns and katanas and probably a boner too.

As a fan of the series, I would rank the Deadpool movies in the same order they were released… 1, 2, and 3. This is because, while the first two films snuck in nice little messages about how everyone is worthy of love, and the importance of found families, the third film is nominally about redemption. Well, mostly it’s about blood and guts and dick jokes and action and fun, but still… redemption, and also the search for meaning in your life, as well as knowing what truly matters, not to mention sacrifice too, and the things we do for love. Is it a little heavy-handed with this? Is it not as well connected? Are its themes much looser in this film than they were in the previous two Deadpool films?

Yes. For the love and god and all that’s holy, yes.

But in the film’s defense, it‘s playing for the cheap seats here. So, yeah, it may not be the most well-written film ever, but for what it is? Eh, it’s good enough. Some people get mad at its catchphrase nature, but sometimes, an orange is an orange, and it’s frankly unreasonable to expect an orange to fly under its own power.

I will say that it was a surprisingly nice little farewell to Fox’s X-men. I wasn’t expecting that particular nostalgia hit, especially because I’m not a fan of the Fox X-franchise, especially the later ones. Even X2, which is probably the best of the whole rotten bunch, once considered the best comic book movie ever, I consider to be basically unwatchable, with only 3 or 4 good scenes.

Still, it was a nice farewell.

Which is good, because as I already mentioned, this Deadpool is more about shuttering the Fox X-franchise and the various dribs and drabs of other Marvel properties that other studios made that are floating around out there, and then moving it all into position for the MCU to use, than it is anything else. Much like Iron Man 2, this film is a bridge into the next era of the franchise. As I mentioned, certain people get real mad about this kind of shit, and I don't know why. I guess there’s just something about acknowledging the fact that a movie like this might be part of a larger concern that makes some dumb nerds so god damn angry, they messily shit themselves. The idea that there may be a larger story being told here, and that some parts of that larger story has already been told, and that other parts of it have yet to be told, and that sometimes there's a transition arc between those two states… oh, man… do the nerds hate that shit so much! They hate it almost as much as they hate it when a movie has the audacity to unapologetically be such a bridge. The entire idea that a film can be both an ending and also a beginning at the same time…

I will admit that I wish there were some more good guy cameos.

I know, I know, but I loved that shit. The film mentions that Magneto, Punisher, Quicksilver, and Daredevil are all dead because of Cassandra Nova, and not only do I wish that I had seen a little more evidence of that, but I wish there had been more than one Punisher there, maybe even all of them. Why not? This is why we’re here. I want to see Dolph Lundgren’s old ass show up in the skull tshirt, right next to Thomas Jane’s little ass.

I also wish Nic Cage’s Ghost Rider had showed up too, because Nic Cage makes everything better, and supposedly it almost happened too. You can’t win them all, I guess. Still… I’m sad we missed out on that. I also wish Spider-man had shown up. I would’ve loved to see a live-action version of one of the many variants from the animated Spider-verse movies. Or maybe even a variant of Cable or Domino from Deadpool 2, either more comic book accurate versions, or even more wildly inaccurate ones. Or Luke Cage from the Netflix series, because Mike Colter was great. I would’ve loved it if Captain Carter had shown up here too. Why not kill off yet another variant of her? Make it a tradition. Besides, she shows up all over the multiverse. Or why not Eric Bana’s version of the Hulk? Make him a Gray Hulk? Or Mr. Fixit! Use the shit that the regular movies will never use.

And obviously, it goes without saying that failing to include Howard the Duck was a huge mistake.

And speaking of mistakes…

While I find a lot of the complaints about Deadpool and Wolverine to be both correct, and also unreasonable at the same time, akin to someone complaining that Pixy Stixs have zero nutritional value, if there’s anyone else complaining that a film series filled with X-men nostalgia, one that features both Colossus AND Wolverine, and yet it didn't give us a classic Colossus/Wolverine Fastball Special... you have my sword.

But all that aside, this film is a good time, a big ol’ goofy comic book adventure. I enjoyed it. Plus, while turning off the lights and moving to a new house is always a little bit bittersweet, moving to a bigger and much nicer house is a good thing. Still, this is one for the nerds, folks. Casuals can keep on moving, there’s nothing for you all to see here. Probably. Maybe not. I don’t know… maybe you’ll love it.

Give it a try, if you want.