Extraction 2

Tyler Rake is a soldier, a gun-for-hire, a killer. He’s a man you call when you need the impossible, and you need it by Tuesday, because he’s the best there is at what he does, but also… he’s very sad, for reasons. So now, back from the dead after the events of the previous film, Tyler Rake embarks on a new and even more dangerous mission to save innocents who are in trouble, in a film that dares to ask: Tyler Rake barely survived the first Extraction, will he survive this Extraction… too?

Eh? Eh? See what I did there…?

Ahem…

Anyway, having cut my teeth in the time of Schwarzenegger, Stallone, Willis, and Van Damme, raised on a steady diet of Ninjas, Roadwarriors, Barbarians, and Bloodsports, in an era of Robocops and Predators, not to mention the occasional bit of Big Trouble in Little China, I am more than familiar with the Blood of Heroes at this point, so for me… Chris Hemsworth in the Extraction series feels a lot like coming home.

Also, I’m an old man, and films like these are the cinematic equivalent of one of those old action-man novels purchased in an airport bookstore.

You can tell I’m an old man, because these days, there’s basically no such thing as bookstores anymore, let alone airport bookstores. Y’see, back in my day, you could walk into any bookstore all across this country, and say to the counter gal: “Give me one Mack Bolan, one Dirk Pitt, and two Phoenix Forces, and one of them better have John Trent, the American Ninja making an appearance! I have one buffalo nickel and three wheat pennies, and I expect correct change, or I’ll report you to Senator Joseph McCarthy for supporting the Kaiser!”

But anyway…

It’s amazing how many guns Tyler Rake has in a house that he just moved into. I mean, the film shows him moving into it. It’s not his house, he’s not returning to it. It’s a new house. He basically just got there. And then he’s like, “Ok, time to go shoot the Georgian Mob, let me just go out to my back shed… get a couple of machine guns, a few pistols… should I take two? Or three? Y’know what? I’ll take three. Oh, there’s my grenade launcher! Gosh, I’ve been looking for that!” To be fair, he is retired at the start of the movie, so every day he gets up, has some coffee while staring sadly into the middle distance, then he cuts some firewood while shirtless, and after that it’s a quick jaunt into town to stop at the pharmacy for his VA prescription, then maybe head on over to the local Farmers’ Market for some fresh veggies for dinner, and then a quick stop at the Walmart to pick up a new M32A1…

The truth is, Chris Hemsworth is much better than these films. He has an emotional depth and a comedic timing ready at hand that these movies are frankly incapable of asking him for, but he is also an incredible physical presence, one who seems right at home kicking an endless amount of ass, so as silly as this stupid film is, it’s also pretty fun. You want action, this film has got it in spades.

So, I liked Extraction 2.

Like I said, it was fun and action-packed, albeit in a very video game level kinda way. And yeah, it’s fair to say that it doesn’t have much else going on, and it definitely has what I usually think of as an anime problem, where too often the momentum grinds to a stop so the hero can stand beneath falling cherry blossoms and tearfully lament their regrets. Yes, yes, dead kid, so sad, we know. Can we get back to the whooping of the asses and the taking of the names, please?

BUT…

It is fun. It really is. It’s fun enough that its obvious issues don’t really matter all that much. Let’s be honest here, why are you watching this film? For the deeper thematic commentary on society, or for the wild-ass gun-kata happening on a speeding train as it blows up and crashes down a mountainside?

That’s what I thought.

Lets! Get! Extracted!