I Know What You Did Last Summer

When five friends inadvertently kill a man, rather than face the consequences for their actions, they instead use their privilege to cover up what they’ve done, vowing to never tell anyone their secret. One year later, the past comes back to haunt them when a mysterious fisherman-themed serial killer, who knows what they did last summer, begins to stalk them. With nowhere else to turn, they seek out the only survivors of a group of friends who did the exact same thing 27 years ago, and were then also stalked by a mysterious fisherman-themed killer.

Join us now for an epic retelling of a familiar tale of woe, a story of People of Good Birth, and of those who are less than them. Witness, as the well-deserved revelries of a new generation of blue-blooded bros and their carefully coiffed future-wives are rudely and carelessly disrupted by one of the less fortunate failing to yield properly, and as a result, having a fatal accident.

As this distasteful imposition understandably casts a pall upon their evening, these poor innocent children are left with no other choice then to leave the situation to be dealt with by those who are paid more than enough to do so… as is their right as children of Good Blood.

But then, horror of horrors, our young heroes are most unfairly persecuted by some unknown and violent poor person, some low character of lesser breeding, all in a misguided attempt to obtain undeserved justice for some incorrectly perceived harm that they believe was done to them by their betters.

The audacity!

So, the movie…

It’s the 4th of July, 2024, four short months before the majority of white America sticks a gun to everyone’s head and pulls the trigger on any future the country may have once had, and Ava Brucks is getting ready to parrrrr-TAY!

Y’see, Ava’s back in her hometown of Southport, North Carolina to celebrate not just the holiday weekend, but also best friend Danica‘s engagement to her fiancé, and high school boyfriend, Teddy. Also, if she can, Ava’s really hoping for a chance to climb back on top of her own high school ex-boyfriend, Milo—who is also back in town for the same event—presumably so she can hump the pain away. I mean, to be fair, the film doesn’t explicitly state that Ava has nothing going on in her life, but… come on. Nobody goes back to their home town after college, looking to hook up with a high school ex, who is in a good place as a functioning adult.

Anyway, the party is gross. It’s nothing but country club assholes.

Afterwards, Danica, Teddy, Ava, and Milo decide to drive up to the bluffs and watch the fireworks, smoke a doobie, and probably engage in some mutual heavy petting, just like they did during those halcyon high school days gone by, because apparently Ava isn't the only big time winner here.

Right before they leave, they spot an estranged old high school friend, the now tragically poor Stevie, who had been working the party as a barback. Stevie has no choice but to work minimum wage jobs because her father spent her college fund and then took off a few years ago. Upon discovering that she was no longer a child of easy privilege, no longer able to sail through life on Daddy’s money, Stevie got drunk and stayed that way for awhile. It's only now that she's sober and starting to get her life back together.

She’s still poor, sadly.

In the name of Glory Days and how they’ll pass you by, the group decides to invite Stevie along to go do some drugs on the side of the road. But while they are parked in maybe the worst possible place a human being could park on a winding cliffside road, Teddy causes a car to swerve around him and crash off the cliff. Ava wants to call the police, but Teddy swears them all to secrecy instead, and calls his politician and local power broker father, who covers up their involvement in the accident.

And thus, does history begin to repeat itself in Southport…

Then it’s one year later, and like the rest of us, Ava is living in world of shit. But unlike the rest of us, Ava’s world of shit is all her own fault. Genetically incapable of accepting consequences for her actions, Ava has hit rock bottom hard, and is now fucking tattooed riot girl strangers in airport bathrooms while engaging in a little bit of choke-play.

It turns out the riot girl is a podcaster named Tyler, and she is the Worst, which makes Ava’s rock bottom even sadder. It also turns out, Tyler is going to Southport too. Her podcast is a True Crime podcast, and she’s planning on doing an episode on the events of the first film. So, when Milo picks up Ava, Tyler catches a ride with them, as the pair are both going to Southport for Danika’s bridal shower. Ava and Milo might be dating now? It’s unclear. Either way, they are not in a good place, and because Tyler is the worst, she talks about it, even though she doesn't really know either of them, and they are doing her a huge favor, but then, tact is not a respected value amongst the Children of Privilege.

Guess what else, Danika and Teddy aren’t in a good place either. In fact, Danika and Teddy have broken up, and now Danika is getting married to a new guy, and he’s somehow even douchier than Teddy was. Even worse, Danika’s bridal shower is positively ruined when an anonymous card put in amongst the presents lets her know that… Gasp! Someone knows what they did last summer!

And that’s when the Gordon’s Fisherman-themed killing starts…

First, Danica's new fiancé is hacked to death. Then it’s Tyler’s turn, guaranteeing that she will one day be a part of someone else's True Crime podcast. Throughout this, Teddy’s dad and his pet police department are doing their best to keep all the murders quiet, including the ones that happened way back in the first film, ala the Mayor in Jaws.

Luckily, Julie James and Ray Bronson from the first two films are still hanging around town, ready to help the kids out… somehow. Julie and Ray are both old as dirt now, which happens to the best of us, and also bitter exes. Apparently a marriage built on the fact that they both managed to survive a killer fisherman isn’t necessarily a foundation that’s built to last.

Also, there’s a pretty fun cameo by the ghost of Helen Shivers.

I have no idea what possible help these kids think Julie and Ray are going to provide… “Don’t let him stab you“ maybe? Either way, it doesn't matter, they’re there and they do some stuff, so that’s fun.

Next, the Gordon’s Fisherman kills some poor bastard who works in the cemetery, and then almost gets Danica, but Teddy saves her. After such a traumatic moment, the kids retire to Danica’s mansion for a night of reliving high school kiss ‘n cuddle nostalgia. Unfortunately, Ava and Milo’s sex break is derailed by Ava’s light bdsm kink, which unnerves the ultra vanilla Milo so much, he has to go sit in his car and pep talk himself into participating in some very basic sex play. In a cautionary tale to us all, Milo’s refusal to be “good, giving, and game” proves to be his undoing.

Then, in an understandable misunderstanding, Ava and Danica believe that the creepy priest is behind everything, and they report him to the police. But Teddy’s dad is getting tired of these two dumb girls making such a fuss about almost being killed a few times, even after he explained to them how these repeated spates of fisherman-themed serial killings could ruin tourism in Southport, which would mean that he would lose a lot of money, so he has the cops illegally detain them in an interrogation room. The Gordon’s Fisherman takes this opportunity to murder both Teddy and his father, and you know what… that one really felt right, honestly.

After that, it’s a rush to the end, featuring the usual series of ridiculous twists, which the film then goes to great length to explain exactly what happened and why, and then there’s a couple of callbacks, all of which leads to one last cameo…

And we're done.

This is the latest film in the I Know What You Did Last Summer franchise—which includes the original film, I Know What You Did Last Summer (1997), the sequel, I Still Know What You Did Last Summer (1998), and the direct-to-video red-headed stepchild of the franchise, I‘ll Always Know What You Did Last Summer (2006). This one rightly ignores number three, and acts instead as a direct sequel to the first two films, taking place 27 years later, and I will admit that I am a little upset that it wasn't titled: You Know What I Randomly Remembered The Other Day? What You Did Last Summer. And just like every film in this franchise, the new I Know What You Did Last Summer tells the same basic story.

But in this film’s defense, much like Die Hard 2: Die Harder, this one tries to lean into the idea a little bit, and acknowledge how ridiculous the whole thing is. Not hard enough, but still… points for trying.

Also, I do appreciate how dedicated this killer is to his fisherman theme.

Anyway, a modern day cautionary tale about the dangers of smoking doobies and watching fireworks, the moral of the story is a pretty easy one to see… Always look both ways before crossing the street, kids. Also, ACAB. But all that said, in the end, this is your standard teen horror film, and since it takes place during summer, that mostly means tank tops and needle drops. Otherwise, there’s nothing really going on here, save for the film’s weird anti-tax-the-rich cautionary tale message, and the buttload of I Know What You Did Last Summer nostalgia that honestly feels like the film kind of over-estimated just how much the public was interested in it. But silver lining? If you’re interested in possibly dying of alcohol poisoning, you could watch this film and then drink every time someone says “slicker” in this movie.

Otherwise, I think if you were some huge I Know What You Did Last Summer fan, like if you nod to each other, and very knowingly say to your friends when you're introducing someone new, ”Oh, you’ll like this guy, he’s… In the Know,” or if you regularly refer to the original film as IKYDLS, then you’ve probably already seen this film.

As for the rest of you… maybe an accidental Sunday matinee?