Jurassic World Dominion

Four years after the destruction of their ill-conceived island amusement park home, dinosaurs live alongside humans, throwing society, as well as ecosystems all over the world, into chaos, and the question as to whether or not human beings are still the dominant species now looms.

“Ooh, ah… That’s how it always starts. But then later there’s running and screaming...” — Jeff Goldblum as Dr. Ian Malcolm, Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997). Also the plot of every Jurassic Park movie.

To say that Jurassic World Dominion is a soulless and dead-eyed Frankenstein’s Monster of a film, birthed from the naked greed of Studios, the mediocre tastes of Burbank focus groups, and idiot internet memes, into an overly-long, cacophonous mess of Benny Hill-esque action sequences and ahooga horn fanservice, all artlessly welded together by the dunderheaded mercenary sensibilities of Finance Bro Studio Executives… seems like an understatement, and an insult to Dr. Frankenstein.

Three different times in the film, characters have some kind of variation of these conversations…

“What’s that dinosaur?”
“Giganotosaurus… biggest predator ever.”

And…

“ADS? What’s that?”
“Aerial Deterrent System. It’s to keep the flying dinosaurs contained.”

They do this, over and over and over, because they assume that their general audience is really stupid, on their phone, or both, and they’re mostly not wrong.

I did appreciate the film using some feathered dinosaurs. That was cool. Also, while on one hand, I can kind of respect the film’s attempt to equate the dinosaurs with the climate crisis, and to use them in the script in the same way zombies are used in good zombie apocalypse stories—as mobile obstacles that merely interfere with the heroes and the main story instead of being direct antagonists—on the other hand… this movie is god damn terrible.

Pure garbage.