Kids vs Aliens

With Gary and Samantha's parents out of town on Halloween weekend, a teenage house party turns to terror when aliens attack, forcing the siblings to band together and fight back if they want to survive the night.

I hated the movie Hobo With A Shotgun, absolutely hated it. I hated it because it was smirking and self-amused, on top of being a generally bad and pretty unfunny movie. I mostly hated it because intentional camp has no real artistic value, and Hobo With A Shotgun was the worst kind of intentional camp, and since Kids vs Aliens was made by some of the same people, I came into this film a little wary.

But it turned out to be all right. Pretty much.

Or, at least, it wasn’t as bad.

Kids vs Aliens isn’t great, of course, but it’s still kind of fun. It’s basically an edgy Nickelodeon show for “big kid” adults, kind of like the Goonies meets You Can’t Do That On Television, but filtered through a pile of old Fangorias, which is fun. But the film’s biggest problem is that, it doesn’t pull it off. Despite some occasional swearing, and some heavy inferences of violence, death, drinking, drugs, and sex, enough that it might be inappropriate for kids (or maybe just confusing, it is only inferences after all), it’s not all that edgy, explicit, scary, or gory either, at least, not enough that it would be considered to be anything more than a basic vanilla effort for most adults. On top of that, the film is just too “Nickelodeon” to be cool. It’s a valiant effort all around, with some fun splatter, but the movie’s unwillingness—or perhaps, inability—to be either a truly edgy kid’s movie, or a truly subversive “big kid” adult movie, the film is both not enough and too much, and all you end up with in that situation is a film that is unable to satisfy two audiences.

The story centers on an older sister and a younger brother, a pair of close siblings whose parents are never home, so they and their nerd gang spend their time making backyard-wrestling-themed “barbarian soldiers versus dinosaur-men” movies in their family barn. Everything is ruined when a group of smirking, smoking, and sex-having teenagers show up. Even worse, the evil teens are bullies! GASP! The evil teens mock and beat up the little brother and his nerd gang, and convince the older sister that if she wants to be cool too, which would include making out with the lead evil teen (the evil handsome devil), she needs to throw an epic Halloween Rager, complete with flashing lights, techno music, smoke machines… and beer! DOUBLE GASP! The sister realizes a little too late that the lead evil teen boy has led her astray, and is only using her for a place to have a house party (and presumably some unprotected sex, the evil handsome devil), but before things get too out of hand, a group of even more evil aliens show up and start killing the teens at the party, forcing a battle for the Earth in which sides must be taken because, well… that’s the title of the movie.

At only 75 minutes long, this is clearly a very low budget film, one where everyone involved had a good time making it, and it doesn’t looks too bad either. It’s bright, colorful, and well-shot, despite those budget constraints. The problem is, besides the film’s previously mentioned inability to pick a lane, the characters and the story feel too rushed, their character moments and situations too shallow, and the stilted, often awkwardly inserted, emotional moments are real rough, and are probably a little too far beyond the ability of the cast. There’s definitely some fun ideas here, but the short runtime, the sub-par script, and its unwillingness to be either one thing or the other, precludes the film from being anything other than forgettable fluff.

But to be fair…

What kind of an idiot would watch a film called “Kids vs Aliens” and is then shocked to find out that it was, well… schlock, right?