M3GAN

M3GAN is the result of the intersection of cutting edge robotics and artificial intelligence, a lifelike doll programmed to be a child's greatest companion, protector, therapist, and friend. Gemma is a brilliant roboticist and M3GAN’s creator. When Gemma becomes the unexpected caretaker of her 8-year-old niece, she decides to give the girl a M3GAN prototype, a decision that leads to “unexpected” consequences.

M3GAN mainly spins not only off that famous Jurassic Park quote, but also the world’s first science fiction novel, Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein, so it’s rooted in the classics right from the start.

So… Gemma is a genius robotic toy designer whose sister and brother-in-law die in a sudden and tragic car accident, making her the guardian to her niece Cady (which is pronounced Katie, but not spelled that way because fuck you). Gemma is so naturally gifted with maternal instinct, it’s practically coming out of her ass, and because she is the absolute definition of a parental genius, she decides that the best way to help her traumatized niece is to bring home an almost completely untested child-sized robot doll called M3GAN, which stands for something but who cares.

M3GAN is a learning robot, which is obviously the most dangerous kind, and so Gemma the genius decides to program M3GAN with protecting Cady from all “harm, both physical and emotional,” which anyone who’s ever seen any sci-fi stories at all knows… that’s way too broad a thing to program a logic-based robot with. There’s just no way that the robot in question won’t eventually decide that the only way to truly protect their charge from “all harm” is the total destruction of all humanity, until all that’s left is the robot, standing alone amongst mountains of skulls, as the world burns.

So, there’s a few red flags.

Great job, Gemma!

On what planet is building this robot a good idea? And if you do somehow justify this lunacy, why would you think it’s a good idea to bring it home and bond it to your child for the first real test? AND… even if you did do any of this shit…

Why did you make it super strong?

Whatever. Honestly, the most unrealistic part of M3GAN is the idea that the System would give a highly educated, gainfully employed, and obviously well-off white lady—one who lives in a nice big house, and has no current romantic entanglements—a hard time about becoming the primary caretaker of her deceased sister’s child, something that her sister clearly intended in writing. That’s just never gonna happen. The System isn’t meant to hassle those kinds of people.

Except for the creepy robot, of course… that would definitely raise some concerns.

“Hold on a second! Is… Is that a child-sized sex doll?”

“Oh! Oh, my! No. No, absolutely not! That’s a superstrong fun-sized Terminator that I leave almost the complete and total care of the child up to.”

“That’s a relie—Wait… what?”

My point is… yes, while M3GAN is limited by it’s asinine PG-13 rating, as well as the resulting limits placed on it’s ability to be gory when needed, and yes, the whole thing is nonsense that you can basically see coming from a mile off, but still… it’s nothing but fun. Loved it. Big thumbs up.

M3GAN is a good film for shouting at the screen while watching.