Novocaine

When the girl of his dreams gets kidnapped, an otherwise average guy turns his inability to feel pain into an unexpected advantage, in order to get her back from the gang of thugs.

People love Jack Quaid.

It seems like he’s in everything lately. Good for him. He’s the official goofball du jour. He’s great in The Boys, which is really good, at least starting with season 2. Star Trek: Lower Decks is fantastic too, as is the shockingly great cross-over it has with Strange New Worlds. He was in Oppenheimer, the voice of Earth-65 Peter Parker in the Spiderverse movies, the voice of Superman in My Adventures with Superman, and despite me not enjoying Companion, he was great there too. And I get it. I do. He’s the every man. Whenever people see him fall, or burn himself, or get hit in the nuts, or get run over by a car, or just be generally shit on by the wider world, the people will nod to themselves and say “hmm… that could be me.” So the people love him, which means that he's currently experiencing a bit of a moment in Hollywood, which is why he's now in this movie.

Which is unfortunately only so-so...

Nathan Caine is a mild-mannered introvert and assistant bank manager, who lives in a world of softened corners and careful movements, all due to having been born with Congenital Insensitivity to pain with Anhidrosis (CIPA). A very rare disorder, it’s an inability to feel pain or temperature, with decreased or even absent sweating (anhidrosis). Also known as hereditary sensory and autonomic neuropathy type IV, the inability to feel pain or temperature can often leads to repeated unintentional injuries, typically by biting the tongue, lips, or fingers, which can sometimes lead to spontaneous amputations. In addition, as sweating helps to cool the body, for people with CIPA, anhidrosis can causes extremely high fevers and/or seizures, which are brought on by the body overheating due to high temperatures.

It is in no way like being Wolverine, especially because people with CIPA often heal more slowly from skin and bone injuries. Still, I bet this condition probably played a small role in the character's creation.

Anyway, Nathan works as an assistant manager at a credit union in San Diego, where he spends most days trying to avoid injury, setting timers to remember to use the bathroom, so his bladder doesn’t burst, and living off a mostly liquid diet, so he doesn't accidentally bite his tongue off while chewing, all while pining for his super cute co-worker, Sherry.

Unfortunately, Nathan's condition has made him very risk-averse in pretty much all aspects of his life, including dating, so he hesitates to ask Sherry out. It's only with the encouragement from his only friend, a voice over the headphones that he plays online video games with, and the love story of one of the bank's customers as inspiration, that he is finally able to work up the courage to ask Sherry to go out on a date. She says yes, they hit it off, and after a night of fun, where she learns about his condition, and that kids used to tease him and call him "Novocaine," the two end up having sex.

It was a great night.

The next day is Christmas Eve, and a gang of Santas show up to rob the credit union. They murder Nathan's boss, take Sherry as a hostage, and kill a bunch of cops while getting away.

So, Sherry is maybe the first person Nathan has ever kissed, let alone had sex with, not to mention the fact that he ate her pie for the very first time, although probably not in the way you're thinking, you pervert. My point is, he's hardcore in love, or at least what he assumes is love, because he's a very, very lonely virgin. As a result, he impulsively jumps in one of the dead cop’s police car, and chases after the bank robbers, determined to do whatever it takes to get her back.

After that, it's a cross-city chase, and a series of action sequences, where Nathan stumbles about, and apologizes in self-deprecating ways, all while getting injured and beat up, and eventually saving Sherry simply because he can't feel the pain of all the injuries he's sustaining.

A sort of live-action Bugs Bunny meets a twist on the John Wick formula, as an Unexpected One Man Army with no real skills, except that he can't feel pain, wades through a series of thugs with nothing but shrill panic and grim determination. It's fun. It's funny. It’s gross. It's a little too long. It's well-paced for most of the film, but it also drags a bit at the end. And when it finally ends, it does so pretty much exactly like you'd expect it to.

So, it's decent. But I'm a little cold on it. The ending really derailed a lot of my positive feelings on this film. Mostly because, much like the main character, it just kept going. Unlike the main character, it should not have. Cut everything that happens in the ambulance and after, and I'd probably like the film more.

Your mileage may vary.

If you like this kind of thing, then you'll probably enjoy this one. If you don't like a lot of blood and injuries or noises along the lines of broken bones and blood spurts and whatnot, then you should maybe skip it. Otherwise, the film fucks up some Nazis along the way, so that's always great.

Plus, I always love seeing Amber Midthunder in something.