Onyx the Fortuitous and the Talisman of Souls

Onyx the Fortuitous is an amatuer occultist slowly being crushed by the reality of his empty existence. Stuck living in his Mom’s house, and working part-time at the Meat Shack, things seem pretty bleak for our hero. But then he receives a coveted invitation asking him to participate in a ritual to raise an ancient demon, all while staying at the mansion of his idol, the infamous occultist, Bartok the Great.

Onyx the Fortuitous is the chosen name of a young man who was born Marcus Trillbury (not Marquay Dickberry like his Meat Hut name tag says). He is an anxious and fidgety goth kid of indeterminate age, living in his mom’s house in a smallish city, with all the myriad and sad problems that you’d expect an anxious and fidgety goth kid of indeterminate age, who is living in his mom’s house in a smallish city, to have. Problems like… stepdads, or how his mom refers to his stepdad as her “lover,” or the local bullies, and also, a general lack of respect from everyone he ever meets, mostly because he is a lunchbox-carrying, trilby-doffing, fat-pants-wearing, tiny-wine-loving little weirdo, with steampunk goggles around his neck, who has a tendency to sing the song Somewhere Out There whenever he gets nervous, and otherwise talks a lot like Gavin from Kids in the Hall…

All Onyx wants in the entire world is to be acknowledged by his hero, the famous occultist, musician, author, and eye-patched fitness instructor, Bartok the Great. It is with this hope that he enters the online contest, hoping to travel to Bartok’s home, hoping to participate in the ritual of Abbadon Rising, hoping… for immortality. When he actually wins, Onyx believes his life may have finally turned around, that his true destiny is finally within his grasp.

And he’s not wrong…

Attended by a hodgepodge gathering of his fellow oddballs, mystics, and losers, the five contest winners soon discover that they were all specifically chosen by Bartok to play an important role in the ritual.

They are (L to R):

Shelley (the Viking): A chipper stay-at-home mom and church lady, who felt betrayed by God after a personal tragedy, so she turned to Satan.

Jesminder (the Queen): It’s Jesminder, not Jess. A tattoo artist and Goth Queen dream from Vegas, who was Bartok’s wife in every one of her past lives.

Mr. Duke (the Lycan): A teacher, a gentleman scholar, and a man of literature, whose hunger for knowledge has led him to the Dark Arts.

Mack (the Witch): They/Them. Full name MacKenzie. Sometimes called Zee. An amateur investigator and a seeker of truth with a heart of gold.

And finally, our hero…

Onyx (The Virgin), who purchased Bartok’s oboe-rock album, Oboe From the Great Beyond, for $5 at the flea market his mom took him to when he was a child, after his father had left them, and upon listening to that album, in that moment, realized his true destiny.

Finding common cause in their love of the Dark Arts, and the fact that they’re all a little lost, and a little alone, the group quickly bonds. But things may not be as they seem, for Bartok the Great, and his mysterious assistant Farrah, have plans of their own. Will the power of the group’s new found friendship save both their own souls, as well as the whole of reality, allowing them all to live happily ever after under the dark blessings of their Lord and Father, Satan? Or will they fall, much like their Dark Lord once did long ago, and bring about an era of eternal darkness? Their chances are grim, but the Prophecy of the Fortuitous One will not be denied…

Based of the character from his Youtube Channel, and funded partially by fans through Kickstarter, Onyx the Fortuitous and the Talisman of Souls was written, directed, edited, and stars Andrew Bowser, who plays Onyx.

And surprisingly, the film is all-around pretty fun.

It’s generally pretty well-made too, funny, ridiculous, with some good muppety demons, and a little bit of fun gore, and overall, is much more silly and sweet than it ever is scary. This movie is like… Beetlejuice meets Evil Dead meets Bubba Ho-Tep, with Onyx being a Pee Wee meets Napoleon Dynamite cross, called on to do the work of Ash the handsome S Mart worker, and in this role at least, the actor does a pretty good job. I was impressed with the broad comedy of the character, and also with the foundation of real human emotion underneath it all.

The film occasionally tries to walk that hard line of weirdo in-jokes and nerd-mockery, while also touching on the relatable tragedy of its subject being sad and alone and misunderstood, something that films like Zero Charisma and The Fan do a much better job of, which can be a hard tonal shift to pull off. I was relieved to find that as the film went on, it doesn’t try too hard at this, or too often, and when it does, it mostly succeeds.

Mostly.

And even if the big drama falls a little short of being truly dramatic, I was still impressed not just by the creators’s skills during these attempts, and not just by how they obviously understood that a fully-rounded character needs these kinds of facets to them, but the self-awareness and restraint that governed the attempts. It’s honestly refreshing when an obvious passion project like this not only fully understands what it is, what people want from it, and what it's capable of delivering, but doesn’t struggle futilely against that reality.

That, for me, is a big part of why the film works.

Onyx the Fortuitous and the Talisman of Souls isn’t re-inventing any wheels here, and it’s not gonna blow your mind or anything, but it is a good time, and definitely worth a watch if you’re in the mood for some sweetly sarcastic silliness.

Also, Meatloaf’s “I would do anything for love (but I won’t do that)” plays a big role in the film, as does Gadget Hackwrench from Chip and Dale’s Rescue Rangers, so I loved that. Plus, I will always have at least some love for a film that accurately portrays part-time minimum wage jobs as the hell they truly are.