PG: Psycho Goreman

Intergalactic forces converge on a small town after two young siblings unwittingly free an ancient alien overlord from his eternal prison.

Psycho Goreman isn’t the directorial debut of writer/director Steven Kotanski, with such previous credits like Leprechaun Returns, The Void, and Manborg under his belt, but it kind of feels like it.

Originally scheduled to premiere at South by Southwest way back before the Breaking of the World in 2020, it had to reschedule its premiere as the festival was cancelled due to the COVID-19 pandemic. When we finally did get a chance to see this film, it feels like the one that is the most true to Kotanski’s personal vision and style (at least as far as I can tell, judging by his other films), as it tells a story that was clearly born out of Saturday Morning cartoons and Heavy Metal magazine.

Looking to do something new in the whole “Ancient Evil is Resurrected” genre, following his work on Leprechaun Returns, Kotanski was apparently inspired by an image that had been in his head for a long time of a hulking monster hunched down in the corner behind a set of drums, which if I were a betting man, I would guess was originally the result of old Jabberjaw cartoons. Coupling that with a dislike for the Harry Potter style plot commonly seen in kids’ movies, where the story pulls the main character kids along, instead of the kids actively driving the plot, and then adding some inspiration by how nuts some of his younger relatives and friends’ kids can be, it wasn’t a big step to the idea of having this all-powerful evil space warlord having to square off against a little girl, who is basically the evil warlord of her little world.

And thus… PG: Psycho Goreman, or just Psycho Goreman, was born.

“Many moons ago, on the distant planet of Gigax, a nameless evil reigned supreme. This ruthless being had amassed power beyond measure, and was preparing to strike down all that was good and just in the universe. But before he could fulfill his dark destiny,  the forces of light banded together, and in their most desperate hour, toppled the dark one from his throne. He was imprisoned in a place far beyond reach, for if he were ever to be released, it would spell certain doom for all existence…”

A pair of siblings, somewhere between Elementary and Middle School age, older brother Luke and younger sister Mimi are in their backyard playing their favorite sport, a game of their own invention called Crazy Ball. Today’s game is particularly intense, as the loser will be buried alive. But after a surprise Switcheroo play gives all of Luke’s points, and thus the game, to Mimi, Luke is forced to dig his grave in the backyard, While doing this, the pair find a strangely glowing pink gem atop an ancient stone seal. And when they remove the gem…

They free the Arch-Duke of Nightmares from his ancient prison.

Once a slave crushed beneath the holy robotic boot of the Templar Crusaders, now a feared Gigaxian warlord, a brutal marauder of the cosmos given to making darkly poetic pronouncements of his intent, the Archduke has since dedicated his efforts towards the genocide of the universe. When he holds the Gem of Praxidike, he is powerful beyond all measure, capable of burning a swath of death and destruction across the heavens on a heretofore unknown scale.

Unfortunately for him, the Gem of Praxidike is now in Mimi’s possession.

The very definition of "out of pocket," Mimi is a force of nature that will not be contained, not by her teachers, not by her parents, not by bedtimes, or by Brussels sprouts. Both Mimi and the Arch-Duke of Nightmares quickly realize, much to the Arch-Duke’s furious but impotent indignation, and to Mimi’s mocking delight, that as long as Mimi has the gem, he is under her command. Her first order of business is she decides that the Arch-Duke of Nightmares is a dumb name, and decides to call him Psycho Goreman, or PG for short, instead. And so, with that taken care of, and now no longer beholden to the restraints of suburban society, Mimi goes forth into the world, reveling in her new found power, with a sullen Psycho Goreman following along in her wake.

But all the while, Psycho Goreman bides his time, scheming on how to return the Gem of Praxidike to his possession once more, and then… on and then... he shall have his revenge.

Yes. Yes, he shall…

Meanwhile, across the cosmos, in the seat of galactic power, a group of rulers known as a the Planetary Alliance–a collection of lizard sorcerers, star pilots, alien gladiators, evolved bugs, robot lawyers, and cyborg angels–have gathered, having been informed that their ancient enemy, the Arch-Duke of Nightmares walks free once again, after somehow escaping from the inescapable prison they placed him eons ago on a backwater underdeveloped planet called Earth. Terrified, they send the Prime Templar Crusader, Pandora, to Earth to find the Arch-Duke, and destroy him before he can gather his full strength and destroy them, as well as the entire galaxy. Pandora vows that “the light of Heaven will always extinguish the darkness of evil” as she assumes the form of a human woman in order to blend in on Earth.

Meanwhile, back on earth, Mimi and Luke introduce him to their friend, Alastair.

Alastair: “Well, it was nice meeting you.”

Psycho Gorman: “It’d be nicer if you were dead.”

Alastair: “…All right. Bye.”

Psycho Goreman turns him into a giant tentacled brain.

Psycho Goreman then tells Mimi and Luke of how he was once a slave to the Templars, Pandora's religious order on his home planet Gigax, until the day he discovered the Gem of Praxidike, which bonded with him, giving him immense power. He tells them of how he assembled his armies, each one led by his generals, The Paladins Obsidian, a crew of the worst outlaws, mercanaries, and monsters in the galaxy. He then tells them of how he battled the forces of the Templars across the cosmos, cutting a bloody gash across the face of the galaxy.

And he tells them of how, finally, the Planetary Alliance managed to defeat him, to separate him from the Gem of Praxidike, and imprison him here on Earth.

Mimi is unimpressed, and tells Pyscho Goreman to just stay on the couch and watch some TV until they get back from school. Simmering with anger and chafing at the indignity of his chains, Pyscho Goreman uses the TV to broadcast a call for help to the Paladins Obsidian.

Later that day, Mimi and Luke's parents, Susan and Greg, see Pyscho Goreman for the first time and panic. But then Mimi introduces Psycho Goreman to them, and shows them how she can control him, forcing Psycho Goreman to accompany the family on activities, to walk their dogs, to be a part of their garage band, and also on a shopping montage, and he quickly becomes a reluctant friend to the family, one who only occasionally reminds them of his intent to murder them all.

One sunny afternoon, while Luke and Mimi are hanging out at the playground, teaching Psycho Goreman the ins and outs of Crazy Ball, which only confuses the galactic conqueror, they are approached by two police officers. Understanding no other language but wanton and unprovoked violent, the police officers attack the Arch-Duke of Nightmares. Psycho Goreman responds in kind, transforming one of the cops into a deformed zombie-monster slave, his pistol melded into his hand, as the other cop runs in terror. Pandora arrives at the police station, looking for any possible leads on where she might find a massive purple and pink monster man in the area. And being a creature who believes in “the ends justify the means,” she fries the escaped officer’s brain in order to retrieve information.

Meanwhile, in the woods, as Mimi and Luke make their way home, with Psycho Goreman pulling Mimi's wagon, and the zombie cop stumbling along behind and occasionally firing his gun randomly, the Paladins Obsidian arrive.

A gathering of dread beings from the darkest corners of the cosmos, they are the reaver king known as Darkscream, with his electro-chainlash, the untrustworthy robotic space pirate, Cassius 3000, with his robot parrot consigliere perched on his shoulder, the cloaked hag known as The Witch Master, with her eldritch shrunken-head staff, the graveyard dryad and matriarchal necromancer of the Cemetarium Collective called Queen Obelisk, and finally, the walking robotic cauldron known as Death Trapper, who steals corpses from galactic battlefields, adding them to the ghoulish goulash that simmers within it, where they slowly melt down, to be used as a foul brew with which Deathtrapper sprays its enemies.

Psycho Goreman is pleased to see that his underlings have answered his call, and he orders them to kill Mimi and Luke and return to the Gem of Praxidike to him. He is less pleased to see that the Paladins Obsidian only laugh in response to his commands. The Paladins Obsidian reveal that they are now enjoying the benefits of being allied with the Templars, and oversee a small moon, where they rotate the duties of leadership amongst themselves. Angry that Psycho Goreman attempted to have her killed, Mimi uses the Gem to bind him, so he can’t fight back against the Paladins Obsidian until he apologies to her. Humbled, injured, and faced with the imminent threat of death, he finally apologizes to Mimi. Pleased, she releases him, and the Arch-Duke of Nightmares then slaughters his traitorous Paladins. In the end, he deems Darkscream worthy of warrior’s death, so he unhinges his jaw and eats him alive. It is only then that Psycho Goreman collapses from his injuries.

Using his powers, Psycho Goreman comes to Greg in a vision, while Greg is pooping, and demands that he come collect him and the children from the woods, using his fading abilities to give very clear instructions on where they actually are, how to get there, and where to park.

When they return home, they find Pandora is waiting with Susan. Susan suggests they hand over Psycho Goreman over to Pandora, and Luke agrees. Greg sides with Mimi, and they drive away with Psycho Goreman, to hide out in the ruins of the old shoe factory. Run to ground by Pandora, weakened and soon to be executed by the Templars, Psycho Goreman cites the ancient rules, and challenges Pandora to a contest. Mimi agrees to return the Gem of Praxidike to Psycho Goreman, allowing him to heal and regain his full power, as long as he agrees to never harm her and her family. And so, with the fate of the galaxy hanging in the balance, Psycho Goreman challenges Pandora to one game of Crazy Ball, all or nothing.

In the end, after witnessing the family's affection for each other, Psycho Goreman decides that he is now powered by love, and that he will use that love to destroy the galaxy, while promising to spare Mimi and her family. They all then bid farewell to Psycho Goreman and watch as he begins to destroy their town, and later, the news shows a giant Psycho Goreman devastating the Earth, as the family shares the first nice dinner together that they've had in a long time.

Meanwhile, in deep space the Planetary Alliance debates killing themselves before Pyscho Goreman can reach them.

Steven Kostanski definitely makes movies for a certain group of people, and when it comes to whether or not that includes you, the simple truth is, you’re either in or you’re out. There’s no joining this club either, you are either already a member, or you never will be. That’s not a character judgement or anything, it’s just the truth. Watch the trailer, and you’ll know whether or not you are actually one of us, one of us, gobble gobble, we accept you, one of us.

For me, Psycho Goreman is basically my guiding light when it comes to dealing with children.

In a nutshell, Psycho Goreman is the latest entry in the suburban family sci-fi adventure genre, films like E.T., or Suburban Commando, and especially the 1987 film version of Masters of the Universe, amongst others, but instead of a loving but strange presense who teaches the family a little bit about themselves, and each other, all while bringing them closer together, here the alien character is villain, a classic bombastic, melodramatic world-conquering villain like Skeletor, Megatron, Thanos, Dr. Doom, or even Dr. Claw, who teaches the family a little bit about themselves, and each other, all while bringing them closer together.

This is a movie made for people raised on a steady diet of 80s Hair Metal Arena Rock, 50s sci-fi, a bit of He-Man, and a bit of Power Rangers, some 70s and 80s kids’ sci-fi, more than a few issues of Heavy Metal magazine, not to mention Comic books in general, as well as some Anime, and a heavy sprinkling of Van Art, a few Troma Movies, and the bloody splatter and spray of low budget horror in general. And The Goonies, of course.

And the end result is that while Psycho Goreman isn’t what most people would probably call a “good” movie, it doesn’t have any delusions about that, it's just fun. And for those of us raised on these same worlds, it's more than just a bit of fun, it's a ridiculously funny and super gory good time, filled with nostalgic humor, fun characters, some really great practical effects, and some fantastic creature work.

It’s absurd, yes. It's silly, sure. It’s sarcastic, definitely.

That’s why it’s great.