Predator: Badlands

Cast out from its clan, a young and untested alien hunter, along with its unlikely android ally, and its even more unlikely little monkey-looking guy ally, embark on a treacherous journey across a dangerous planet in search of the ultimate trophy… friendship.

I‘ve talked about the Predator franchise a lot.

I have opinions...

As I’ve said before, there’s a formula for making a good Predator movie. It was established in the first movie, and cemented in the second. It’s simple, easy, and if you stick to it (and if you have a good script, of course), you’re golden. Plus, if you follow the formula, there’s an endless font of ideas for future films. And honestly, so far, each film in the franchise that has strayed from the formula has been bad.

And the formula goes like this…

Each Predator story has to start out as someone else’s story.

That's it. Whether it's the A-Team, or Dirty Harry, a Vigilante chasing a serial killer, a rebellious princess proving her mettle, a warrior looking for revenge, or a long-simmering rivalry finally coming to a head, it has to be a someone else's tale at the start. On top of that, it should feature characters that we're familiar with, if not specifically, then at least the archetype they represent. These characters should be cinematic icons preferably, well-known champions, the kind of hero that we all know usually triumphs, someone who regularly overcomes extreme challenges. It needs to be their story, and it needs to be the kind of story that we're familiar with seeing them deal with, and when the hero suddenly realizes that they have become the prey, it needs to stay their story, because the most important part of the whole thing is, while they're busy dealing with the kinds of problems that they usually deal with, the Predator suddenly shows up and starts wrecking shit.

That’s the whole trick...

The Predator needs to crash someone else's story already in progress.

Y'see, the Predator only hunts the King of the Jungle, and they do it in that particular King’s jungle. The prey gets to have home court advantage, and the Predator is alone against all the prey can bring to bear against them. This is what makes it a worthy hunt, because the whole idea is that the Predator is basically a big game hunter, and like all Big Game Hunters, the deck is stacked in their favor. They use invisibility cloaks, energy weapons, sensory enhancements, and animal mimicry, along with various kinds of bombs, blades, spears, and nets, in order to stalk and kill the most dangerous prey across the galaxy, including humans. They do this for the sport, for the honor, and the trophies. They usually travel alone to some exotic locale, usually hotter climates too, because they see in infrared, and often choose to hunt in places experiencing some kind of armed conflict as well, because they‘re hunting the baddest mother fuckers around, because the more dangerous the prey, the more valuable the trophy.

And they aren't just hunting a hero either, or a bad ass...

They are hunting a pop culture icon.

The first Predator wasn't just hunting Dutch Schultz, it was hunting Arnold Schwarzenegger and the members of G.I. Joe. The second Predator wasn't just hunting a loose cannon cop who gets results in a crime-ridden city while lamenting how he's getting too old for this shit, it was hunting Dirty Harry, it was hunting Lt. Roger Murtaugh of the Leathal Weapon series, it was hunting Danny Glover. The third Predator wasn't just hunting Batman, it was hunting, well... Batman. Big time game. Big time risk. Big time reward. And if they pull it off, they take their trophies (usually the skulls) and mount them on their wall. That's it. A very simple and easy-to-understand formula.

In short, they are the perfect villains.

And then, if they win, the Predators… I don’t know… invite other Predators over for drinks and smugly show off their trophies?

I don’t know.

And honestly, I don’t care what they do after that. Because it doesn't matter. Because the Predators aren’t characters, they’re obstacles. They’re just a monster stalking the hero. Because like I said, despite the usual naming-convention of the various titles, these films are about the prey. This is a test for them to survive. The Predator is nothing more than a super cool narrative device for the prey‘s journey. Adding background and a bunch of lore to the Predators strays too far from the formula, and worst of all, gets in the way of the prey's story. 

I love this franchise. When the films are good, they’re great, but let's be honest here… there’s been a lot more bad in this series than there’s been good, and that is mostly because the filmmakers always trying to make the Predator into too much of a "character." Because of this, I’m always wary whenever there’s a new entry in this franchise, because the ability to resist the urge to give the Predator a bunch of background is something most nerds just can not fucking do, because they think their ideas are just way too cool and unique to not share, and then it's always the same boring "warrior culture" bullshit. They did the same thing with Wolverine. For years, he had a very mysterious, and seemingly very long past. That mystery, and its implied long length, allowed for a lot of fun narrative opportunities. Was he a samurai? Yes, he was. Was he a cowboy? Also, yes. Was he a barbarian? Heck, yeah, buddy, big time. But the fucking nerds, man, they just couldn't stand it. They need to "know" the story. Finally, a bunch of weak assholes and their bean-counter bosses were like "Yes! Great idea! Tell the tale!" And what did they reveal? Exactly what you'd expect Wolverine's past was, only more boring and dull, and it added nothing new to the character, save for locking out the ability of any future creators to just... randomly add Wolverine to a past event, because the malleability of his background vanished the moment they told the story and dispelled the mystery. Great job, nerds, you ruined it. Way to go.

So... while I enjoyed 10 Cloverfield Lane from filmmaker Dan Trachtenberg, when he took over as the guiding hand and creative head of the Predator franchise, I was wary, because when he talked about the franchise, he seemed to talk about the lore of the Predator species way too much, and I took that as a bad sign.

Because outside of the films, in the myriad books and comic books and video games, the lore is pretty common, and it’s all super dumb, nothing but the kind of lazy garbage you’d expect to see from Klingon culture fanfic. Like, for instance, the Predator species is known as the Yautja, pronounced Ya-OOT-ja, if you must say it out loud, but maybe it’s better you don’t do that, becomes it’s dumb, and I hate it. It's the worst, and it's because the reveal of the name is the doorway to stripping down the simple efficiency of the Predator as the perfect villain, because a name leads to a language, a language leads to a culture, and a common truism in genre fiction is there’s nothing more boring than digging into the culture of a “warrior” alien species. Oh, are they all warriors? Are they all hunters? Is there a big warrior test that they must pass? Do they like watching death-matches in the colosseum? Cooooool. That is so interesting. No really. But... tell me something, are there any dentists in this culture? Who makes their clothes? Who makes their weapons? Do they have any musicians? Any poets? What about accountants? Are there any sullen coffee shop baristas whose parents just don't understand them? What about pediatricians? Are there any Predator Pediatricians?

Questions like this never get answered, because honestly... no one really cares about Predator dentists, and I’m not trying to claim otherwise. Okay, sure, I‘d love to see the ups and downs of the day to day life of a Predator dentist. "I hunt the most dangerous of all prey... gingivitis!" But that’s not the point I’m making. My point is, lazy “warrior culture” Klingon rip-offs only ever highlight how shallow the world-building actually is, how silly the idea is, and only highlight how much of a cliche it is, and how much of waste of time it is. Your warrior character with their long tradition of being a warrior may be cool in the ensemble in your story about a group of adventurers, but deeper explorations of their home culture never is, so the farther you stay away from diving into that, the better.

Usually…

But... with all of that now having been said, after having seen the last two movies in the series now that Trachtenberg is at the helm (Prey and Predator: Killer of Killers), I have to admit, the franchise has been enjoying a bit of an upswing as of late, and I’ve been enjoying it, despite them adding more lore to the Predators.

So, yeah... clearly, I’m a long time fan.

I’ll always give a new entry in the Predator franchise a fair shake, even when they seem like they’ll be iffy, which most of them usually do. And this time? I gotta tell you, this time out, I was even more wary than usual. Because judging by the trailer, not only did Predator: Badlands seem like it was going to disregard the formula, it also looked like it was going to focus heavily on Yautja culture. So, these are all big time red flags to me. Even worse, it looked like The Predator was going to be hero of the story. That could be a big time mistake. While there’s a litany of reasons why I don’t like it (not the least of which is the hero Yautja‘s eyes are too close together, and that bugs me), every time I have to sit through some sci-fi/fantasy movie or a tv show with a bunch of actors "talking" to each other using nonsense grunting-emoting disguised as an ”alien language“ a little piece of my soul dies.

So, yeah… I was more than a bit wary when it came to Predator: Badlands.

So…

Dek is a Yautja runt from that planet Yautja Prime. His dad and clan leader, Njohrr, hates Dek’s little runty guts. Dek’s big brother Kwei loves his little runty brother, and believes in his potential. He believes in, and loves Dek so much that, when Njohrr shows up to kill Dek, Kwai steps up to defend him against his father, locking Dek inside of his ship, and programming it to take Dek off planet.

As he flies away, Dek is forced to watch helplessly as Njohrr kills Kwei.

Determined to prove his worth, Dek decides to hunt the Kalisk, an apex predator on the "death planet" known as Genna. The Kalisk is a creature that even Njohrr fears. Dek crash lands on Genna, and almost immediately gets his ass kicked by a bunch of different kinds of plants. Luckily, an extremely damaged Weyland-Yutani Corporation android named Thia, whose team was destroyed by the Kalisk, which resulted in Thia being torn in half, helps Dek survive. Thia offers to help Dek track the Kalisk, which Dek reluctantly accepts, strapping Thia to his back like an extra chatty backpack. Along the way, the duo are joined by a little friendly monkey/armadillo-like creature Thia decides to name Bud, making them a trio. Bud clearly thinks that Dek is awesome, so it marks him with some spit.

Meanwhile, Thia's "sister" Tessa, another Weyland-Yutani android is recovered and repaired at the base the corporation has established on Genna. She is alerted to Dek’s presence, and upon finding Dek's ship, Tessa takes some weaponry.

When Dek and Thia find the remains of her team, Thia finds her legs in the wreckage, and attempts to repair herself. But then the Kalisk shows up, and as he tries to take his trophy, Dek unfortunately discovers that the Kalisk regenerates. But before the creature can kill him, it smells Bud's saliva on him and spares him. Tessa and her Weyland-Yutani team arrives and captures both Dek and the Kalisk. Realizing Tessa is not actually her friend, Thia helps Dek escape capture while in transit back to the base. Now free, Dek realizes Bud is the child of the Kalisk, and decides to rescue both Thia and Bud's mom, the captured Kalisk. Having lost most of his weapons during his various fights on the death planet, Dek uses Genna’s myriad dangerous flora and fauna to improvise new ones.

Then it’s time for the big showdown.

Later, Dek and his new clan return to Yautja Prime and he deals with his father. But his victory is short-lived, as a large Yautja ship arrives. Thia asks if the ship is friendly, and Dek draws his sword, because the ship belongs to his mother…

Oh shit, sequel tease!

Roll credits...

So, right off the bat, let me just say… this film was a blast.

I really enjoyed it.

The problem that comes from diving into Yautja society and culture too much is definitely still there. I mean, the clan seems to live in a bunch of branches leaning against a big rock, and yet they have space ships and speeder bikes and invisibility cloaks. I just don’t see a societal web at all. How do they function between hunts? That shit bugs me. Plus, I can't get over how the Yautja language is silly, and tedious to have to listen to.

BUT…

At the same time, I‘ll admit it, it wasn’t too annoying here.

Honestly, it was fine.

But saying that, I think it’s also important to point out that the only reason it's tolerable at all is because of Elle Fanning’s performance. She plays both Thia and Tessa, as they are the same model of android, and Thia in particular was fantastic. Thia’s naive, friendly, and also sincerely interested stream of constant chatter adds a very bright and cheery running commentary throughout the film, that not only does a really great job of explaining what’s going on, often acting as a mirror of the audience’s reactions whenever something crazy happens, but also it really is a nice touchstone for the audience, undercutting the po-faced “alien warrior with honor” Yautja stuff in a way that prevents it from being too overblown.

Plus, she's just funny.

And for me at least, I love that they added an android—or as they prefer to be called, a synthetic person. This character idea, along with the Weyland-Yutani corporation, is a common part of the Aliens franchise. You probably remember it being mentioned in the really great recent FX series Alien: Earth, which had one of the sacriest and coolest new monsters I have seen in a long time. And while it’s true that these franchises have crossed-over many times before now, and that almost none of those times have resulted in a film that was actually any good, I still love it when it happens. Aliens and Predators was the first unexpected cross-over of the Nerd World that I remember, after all.

This is why I always love the glimpse of the Predator’s trophy wall you usually get. This is where these two franchises first crossed over, when, in Predator 2, the long skull from the species known as Xenomorph XX121 appeared, much to the delight of 80s era nerds everywhere. In this film, when we see Kwei’s trophy wall, amongst a scattering of the usual unknown alien skulls, there's a human skull, a skull from those giant ancient terraformers and seeders of primordial life, the Engineers, and a skull from the classic aliens called the Greys, as well as skulls that might belong to the alien species from the films ID4 and the Tomorrow War, and of course, the skull of a Tyrannosaurus Rex too. That is totally cool. Predators versus dinosaurs? Heck, yeah, my friends. Heck, yeah. But for me, the most potentially exciting is the giant gorilla-looking skull. Is that meant to be a relative of King Kong? Does that mean that Yautja may have hunted kaiju on Earth? And wouldn't that naturally means that they probably tried and obviously failed to take on the King of Monsters themselves, Godzilla?

Who knows. One could definitely hope. Either way, it's fun to think about.

And that is an accurate description of this film too. It’s fun. And in case you were wondering, it is nowhere near as gory as the original series too. In fact, I wouldn’t call this film a sci-fi horror at all. It’s honestly a lot closer in tone to something like Star Wars or Guardians of the Galaxy. This film uses a trick familiar to those of us who watched action/adventure cartoons all our lives, where the bad guy's army is all robots. They do this so that the hero can then "kill" the robots without all of the blood and gore that comes from killing living characters, thus preserving its kid-friendly PG nature. This isn't the in-world reason used in the movie, of course, but this is the actual reason why the Weyland-Yutani Corporation only sent robots to Genna. So, because of this, I’d say, despite its original roots, Predator: Badlands is actually more of a slightly edgy space adventure, the kind that is fun for the whole family. Regardless of whether you agree with me on that, you still have to admit... this film is a looooong way from the first Predator film and the fate of Jim Hopper and his Special Forces Unit.

This fact ties directly into what I actually liked most about this particular film. Predator: Badlands, like all of the recent Trachtenberg Predator movies, begin with some story-relevant text from the Yautja Codex…

Yautja are prey to none. Friend to none. Predator to all. — Yautja Codex, 0422/25

What exactly is the Yautja Codex? What do the numbers at the end of the quote mean? Are they supposed to be a date? Is it supposed to be the chapter and verse? Who knows. And really, who the fuck cares? Obviously, I’m going to assume that the Yautja Codex is the Predator bible, but like I said, who knows, who cares.

Because the thing is, all these examples of texts from the Yautja Codex read like the same kind of boring faux-tough guy bullshit that the Snyder-cultists fucking cream their cargo shorts over. If the Cavill version of Superman had spouted this kind of boring bullshit as some kind of Kryptonian Warrior ethos in Man of Steel, those terrible nerds would print it on the t-shirts they wear while they make videos of themselves in trench coats and trilbys, polishing their flea market katana, giving dramatic readings of the lines. It’s just awful and boring stuff. And worst of all? It’s uninspired. It's a microcosm of what I hate about “warrior culture” alien species. Their scared texts always sound like this nonsense. Dumb, boring, lacking all style and poetry. Zero flare. Nothing but bombastic, ham-handed nonsense.

And that is what I loved most about this movie…

Because according to this movie… it’s absolutely wrong. Not only is it wrong, but according to the film, believing in that backward-ass bullshit is how your dumbass is gonna get killed. The entire point of the story is that the only way you survive in this cold, dark, ugly, and uncaring universe is through the support of community, through teamwork… through friendship. Cheesey? Sure, but it was also really cool. Especially in light of current events.

In fact, specifically because of this, my wife ended up actually loving this movie. And it’s fair to say that Predator: Badlands is not the kind of film that is usually up her alley either. Not only have I overheard her recommend the film multiple times to people based on its "positive" message, but she idly asked me later on:

Wife: “Are all the Predator movies like that?”

Me: “Um… no.“

I’m still going to make her watch the original Predator though…

Anyway, big thumbs up. Check it out.