Roofman

Based on a true story, Jeffrey Manchester is safely hidden within a Toys "R" Us after escaping prison, but when lonliness drives him out of his hole, and he falls for a local mom, his double life begins to unravel, as his past catches up to him, and the cops close in.

In 1998, Jeffrey Manchester was a divorced and directionless U.S. Army veteran living in North Carolina. Like a lot of vets, Jeffrey’s post-military life was not as "be all that he can be" as he would've preferred. Now an unemployable loser, as he is incapable of handling basic work tasks in basic every day job, he is struggling to be able to provide for his family. When Steve, a friend and fellow member of the 82nd Airborne Division, reminds Jeffrey of his powerful skills of observation and his ability to track patterns, urging him to use his head and to find a job that utilizes his actual skills, Jeffrey comes up with a plan.

He robs a local McDonalds.

Breaking in through the roof at night, Jeffrey surprises the morning shift and orders them into the walk-in freezer while he robs the safe. But during all of this, Jeffrey treats the workers kindly, even handing over his own coat to the manager to wear in the freezer before he escapes with the cash. Over the next few years, he uses this strategy to rob 40-some other businesses, capturing the attention of the authorities, as well as the media, where he’s known as the mysterious “Roofman.” Unfortunately, Jeffrey is a huge dumbass and he spends his ill-gotten gains openly and freely, and is finally arrested at his daughter's birthday party. He is sentenced to 45 years in prison, and on top of that, his ex-wife meets a new guy, moves away with kids, and cuts off all contact with Jeffrey.

Eventually, using those same impressive skill of observation and pattern recognition, Jeffrey escapes prison. With the cops scouring the countryside for him, Jeffrey conceals himself inside a Toys R Us store, living off candy as he passes the time watching the employees’ comings and goings. It soon becomes obvious that Jeffrey escaped prison simply because he saw that he could, and didn’t really think about next steps, or even the general effect that being a fugitive would have on his life. He quickly realizes that he can’t see his kid now, because the cops are watching. Worse, he realizes that his only option is to get out of the country too, and that means that he needs a new passport, which means he needs an entirely new identity. Luckily, Steve can hook him up, but it’s gonna take a few months, as Steve is currently deployed overseas.

This means Jeffrey is going to be stuck hiding in the walls of the Toys R Us for a while. Unfortunately, this also means that, because Jeffrey is still the same huge dumbass that got himself sent to prison in the first place, he gets bored in the little Toys R Us prison of his own making, and he starts taking unnecessary risks. This culminates in Jeffrey attending a local church, where he begins a relationship with one of the Toys R Us employees, a hot and horny divorced mom named Leigh.

This relationship is his undoing. Well, this and the fact that again... Jeffrey is a huge dumbass. In the end, he is caught and sent back to prison with an additional 32 years added to his prison sentence.

So, yeah, this is based on a true story.

And it seems like it’s pretty accurate too, despite a few dramatic embellishments here and there. Like... the fact that he didn’t so much stay in an active Toys R Us for months, as much as he stayed in an abandoned Circuit City that was next door to an active Toys R Us. Also, Leigh wasn’t an employee of the Toys R Us either, but she and Jeffrey did meet at a weird little local church.

But other than that? It's all true. Basically.

Well... also, Jeffrey and Leigh look NOTHING like Channing Tatum and Kirsten Dunst, of course. That's definitely not an accurate depiction.

Roofman is really just the story of a directionless and mediocre dumbass who is only notable for the unique tale of how he briefly broke out of prison. It's about a man who was smart enough to outwit the system, but was brought down not just due to an embarrassing addiction to capitalism, but a frankly sad need for people to think well of him, even though he's a selfish piece of shit. It’s a film that kind of feels a little gross in the end, as a rosy picture of Jeffrey being such a "nice" guy is painted on screen, and when it's over, you can’t help but wonder if a cheeky little "true story" rom-com about a serial armed robber would have played differently, if it wasn’t about a white guy. That's not to say that this is necessarily a bad film, it’s not, it's cute, it's fine, it's middle-of-the-road forgettable, it’s a very shallow but mildly entertaining tale that mostly works due to Channing Tatum’s and Kirsten Dunst's charm and charisma and chemsitry.

But even then, Roofman is an aggravating film to watch, as this is a story about a guy who just casually shoots at his own foot over and over until he finally manages to tag a toe. And he does this multiple times.

Obviously this is not an aspirational film in any way, and from start to finish, literally everything this guy does is the definition of a bad decision, but it's still frustrating watching this dumbass do the dumbest shit–like, wandering around town, hanging out, going to church, dating Leigh–all while he's on the lam. It's the kind of film where you're constantly wanting to shout at the screen "What are you doing!?!" but not in the fun way. The real Jeffrey excuses all of this with a shrug, saying “Today’s news is tomorrow’s toilet paper,” which is true, I guess, but again... he's a huge dumbass. The quote at the top of this post is real, one of the officers in charge of catching him said it, and it's dead-on accurate.

“He's a very smart individual. Super intelligent. Probably genius level. But he's also an absolute idiot.”

Anyway, this is why the film is not great. Why make a movie about a guy who breaks out of prison, and then goes back because he was too bored and selfish and needy and stupid? I mean, I guess if he hadn't been such a dumbass and had gotten away, then there'd be no story, but still... what's interesting about this?

Meh.