The 4:30 Movie

During the summer of 1986, three 16-year-old buddies spend their Saturdays sneaking into movies at the local cineplex. When one of the guys invites the girl of his dreams to see an R-rated film, hilarity breaks loose as a self-important theatre manager and teenage rivalries interfere with his plans to find love.

The 4:30 Movie is the latest film by Kevin Smith. A low stakes coming-of-age teen Rom-Com, as well as a highly-dramatized Kevin Smith Origin story, it is a film that is so honeysuckle sweet, I developed a toothache.

It’s been true for a while now, but with each one of his new films, it’s become harder and harder to remember the time when Kevin Smith was mentioned in the same breath with Spike Lee, Quentin Tarantino, and Richard Linklater. Where Smith’s films once pioneered DIY filmmaking, as well as the heavily sarcastic pop culture nostalgia-fest nerd-comedy genre, they are now mostly saccharine-sweet pop culture nostalgia-fest "comedies," with a heavy reliance on muppet show-like mugging for the camera and a frankly inexcusable amount of self-aware "jokes."

But this is who Kevin Smith is now, right?

He’s a big softy, so when you watch his movies, what you get is a cloying over-sincerity and sentimentality, mixed with the kind of broad humor you usually only see in variety shows from the 70s, and that's definitely true here. The 4:30 Movie is the story of a young doofus cinephile stand-in for Kevin Smith, and his two best buddies, as he tries to see an R Rated movie with the girl of his dreams. That's it. It’s a classic 1980s teen comedy formula, just minus the one boobie shot. Nothing but a nice teen boy and his friends learning the value of friendship, and also to believe in himself so that he can get a kiss.

Say Anything, it is not.

And yeah, it’s terrible, but it’s also a little bit cute, in its big dumb open-hearted kind of way, because like I said, that’s Kevin Smith, the corniest corndog of all corny corndogs.

Also, side note… I don’t want to be mean, but Kevin Smith is older than I am, and I'm not really a snazzy adult-dresser, but I really wish someone he loves and trusts would tell him to stop dressing like a kid who wished to be “big” but then shrunk.

Anyway…

May 25th, 1986

Brian David is known for loving movies. He records his thoughts on a little tape recorder that he wears around his neck, and says shit like “I got a 24 karat case of love.” He’s the classic “nice guy” nerd teen rom-com Mary Sue character, chasing a girl who is sooooo out of his league, but for some reason, she doesn’t seem to think so. One day, Brian finally gets up the nerve to invite Melody to come with him and his friends to see an R-Rated movie they plan on sneaking into, because they aren’t old enough to get a ticket, and she says yes.

A girl being present upsets the long-time, easy-going, moviehead group dynamic between Brian, weirdo Belly, and loudmouth Burny, who gets jealous, because he’s supposed to be the ladies man of the nerd-group. Hijinks ensue as the group tries to stay together, stay friends, make it to the 4:30 movie, and for Brian to maybe get a kiss Melody, all without getting kicked out by the imperious theatre manager.

It’s a very simple set-up, and like I said, one that’s right up Smith’s alley, as he almost exclusively makes films about pop culture-obsessed slackers who just might grow up someday, and seem to succeed solely because they believe in themselves.

But while it’s somewhat charming at times, and features a cast of teens who mostly have good chemistry, like pretty much all of Smith’s late-era films, The 4:30 Movie seems to have been made using a first-draft script that had zero critical reads and redrafts, and by once again calling in favors from his friends, celebrity pals, and favorite local haunts (the movie theatre where the bulk of the action takes place is owned by Smith), and of course, to pad his daugther's resume. I can’t fault a guy for helping out his kid, especially when they don’t seem to have many options in their chosen profession, or for wanting to make movies with his friends, but these films just keep getting more and more mediocre, and it's past time for Smith to bring in some less sycophantic voices during production, and maybe aim for a crowd that isn't solely made-up of his most loyal fans.

There's no way that will happen, but still...

The 4:30 Movie isn’t exactly bad, or… well, yeah, it’s bad, but the kids are all right, and the film is bad in mostly harmless ways, so if you’re looking for a throwback to the era of throw-away teen comedies, except much more chaste than they ever were back then, you could do worse, I suppose. But if we’re being honest, you should definitely try to do better, and so should Kevin Smith.