Lists and Commentary

Top 20 Movies of 2023

Better late than never.

Jonathan Hansen

Mar 13, 2024 • 6 min read

INT. ABANDONED MOVIE THEATRE - DAY

A cold wind blows through the empty ruins of an abandoned auditorium.

Old Man (voice-over from off-screen):

In the Old World, before the Big Sick, back when I wore hard pants and took a 40 minute one-way commute by public transit to work each day, I would go to a lot of movies when they were playing in the movie theatres.

They were palaces, these theatres, shining like beacons in the night, all glittering lights and chattering people, the smell of warm popcorn and warmer feet, the floors sticky with… I don’t want to know. Sometimes, I’d go on the weekends to see films with the big crowds, and sometimes, I’d go on the weekdays in order to avoid them. Sometimes, I’d take a day off, and based on the start times and end times of the movie schedule, I’d map out how to see four, maybe even five movies in a single day at the multiplex, usually the one on the top floor of the Mall of America. Sometimes, I would take off a Friday just to see one of the first showings of whatever the new big genre film was. There was even a time when I’d take a week off every year and travel down to Austin, Texas to attend Fantastic Fest. I’d eat and drink my fill, and end up seeing upwards of forty-some films over the course of eight days. Yeah, I used to see a lot of movies in the theatre back in those days…

But this was in the Before Times, before the Big Sick…

And… scene.

Thank you. Thank you…

So, the last movie that I saw in the theatre was Birds of Prey (and the Fantabulous Emancipation of One Harley Quinn) in February 2020 (which I loved). Unbeknownst to me at the time, this was barely a month before COVID would start killing people in earnest, reaching a total number of deaths in the U.S. alone this past week of 1,217,093 and counting, all despite the fact that the overwhelming majority of this country maintains that COVID is long over.

As a result, I’m no longer willing to go to movie theatres, not even when masked. I’ve seen the movie Outbreak starring Dustin Hoffman, and I’ve smelled sold out theatres after a two hour movie. I know there’s no air moving around in there, and I’m not willing to test even the best mask in that enviroment. Why would I? All for the chance to pay way too much just to sit in a filthy facility, soaking in the putrid reek of COVID and B.O., to watch a worse presentation than I have at home, one that will most likely be interrupted multiple times by the people idly chatting and scrolling their phones around me, and all for a movie that will probably be not that great?

Is that the prize?

Four years in, I’m still COVID free, and I intend to stay that way. I’ve been very privileged in being able to do this, and I understand that a lot of people had no choice when it came to their risk of exposure, or with having been infected, whether due to their kids or their finances or whatever. But I also know that when it came to folks being proactive, to taking some basic precations, to mitagating the risk of exposure to themselves and others in a variety of simple ways, a signifigantly larger amount of people out there plain old refused, and all because they simply do not give a shit, not about me, and not about anyone else, never have, never will.

So, at a certain point, you gotta watch out for yourself, right?

You have to adjust for the known quantities.

Trump and COVID have clearly shown that no one else out there will, and in fact, most people will fly into an apolplectic rage should you even suggest that thinking about others might be something they should do on occasion. This past decade has shown us that when it comes down to it, most of these “good” people are willing to do literally nothing for another person—literally nothing—especially if doing so might possibly inconvenience them a little bit, and Lord help you if you should ever point this out to any of those “good” people.

So, yeah… stay safe, stay masked, and wait until either COVID burns itself out, or a new variant burns through the population like one of the many wildfires happening around this country all the time now, and after that, I’ll go to your houses, step over your bones, and see what good shit you all left behind.

That’s my plan.

Because I’m not interested in getting infected, not to mention the fact that I’m really not interested in infecting my loved ones. And I’m even less interested in a permanent disability from Long COVID, especially while living in a country that doesn’t give a shit about anyone who is chronically ill or disabled.

I mean, can you imagine having to live in this country when you are hobbled with such fatigue, or with such difficulty breathing or thinking, that you not only can’t work, but you’re risking your life just by taking the bus, or going to the doctor, or even the grocery store? And on top of that, the whole time you’re being forced by a fraying social support net into the kind of deep debt you can never ever hope to crawl out of? This is already a reality for a lot of disabled and chronically ill people who live here in America, the greatest country on earth, and I’m not interested in joining them, if I can help it. Beyond all that, can you imagine having to live without your sense of taste and smell, unable to enjoy any food and drink? Can you imagine being otherwise healthy and not at risk, and yet still dying from a sudden heart attack or a stroke? Can you imagine being one of the only… eh… kind-of… healthy people out there, and you’re seeing people who are younger and healthier than you dying from a sudden heart attack or stroke linked to their multiple COVID infections?

Now imagine that this all happened to you because you decided to go see something like Renfield or The Flash in the theatre? How is that any kind of worthwhile gamble? Do you want that on your tombstone? “Paid way too much to see Transformers: Rise of the Beasts. Died.” My God, people, have some standards. Value yourself more. Like Ashley Judd says to Val Kilmer in Heat: “It's like risk versus reward, baby.”

So, yeah… I’m abstaining.

But, as society has forced me to acknowledge at this point, over and over again, I’m pretty much alone in this belief. Especially when it comes to the whole “still masking” part, so I’m just gonna watch our for me and mine then… stay masked, stay safe, step over your bones eventually, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I bring this up as a way of explaining that, yes, there’s still more than a few films that came out in 2023 that I haven’t had a chance to see yet, like Godzilla Minus One and Zone of Interest, but with the last of the golden statues having been handed out this past Sunday, it feels like maybe the time has come and gone for me to put a pin in my favorite films of the year list.

In total, I saw 102 films from 2023, most of which were discussed on this very site, but listing them all would result in an unreasonably long post, so instead, I’m only posting my Top 20 favorites. Most folks only list their top ten, but 2023 was a pretty good year for film, I think, and I wanted to highlight a few more than that, so twenty. Beyond twenty… who really cares?

So, on that note…

My Favorite Movies of 2023

If you haven’t seen some of these, I highly recommend checking them out. 2023 was an overall good year for films, and I think these were some of the best.

So, yeah… that’s that. That’s 2023 in movies. Now, I’m looking forward to seeing what 2024 to offer…

All from the comfort and safety of my home.