Transformers: Rise of the Beasts

Optimus Prime and the valiant Autobots team up with Optimus Primal (no relation) and the valiant Maximals, in a race to find The Crystal McGuffin, a very mysterious and powerful device whose mystery is only exceeded by its power, all in order to save the Earth from the impending threat of Unicron, a planet-sized robot that eats other planets, the cartoon version of which was one of the last roles voiced by the legendary star of the silver screen, Orson Welles.

So, the Maximals are transformers who change into gigantic robot animals, specifically an eagle, a rhinoceros, a cheetah, and a gorilla, and I feel like they really just misunderstood the whole “robots in disguise” idea that is the core concept of being a transformer.

It’s because of things like this, that it feels a little bit silly pointing out that the epic adventure of a robot semi and a robot gorilla, who, along with their respective teams of wise-cracking vehicles and taciturn metal animals, as well as a pair of plucky young Earthlings—who are all fighting a planet-eating robot planet—just isn’t that good. I mean, duh, right? But it’s true. Despite any promises that may have been made by the classic Transformer tagline, when it comes to this film… sadly, there just isn’t much more than meets the eye here.

Also, at 2 hours, it feels a bit long.

It’s not “bad” for what it is. There’s plenty of good smash-em-up fights, and loud and bright explosions in slo-mo. The robots look cool too, much better than the Michael Bay versions. In fact, as not great as this film is, it’s way better than the Michael Bay versions are in almost every way--except for the cinematography, of course--but it’s still just a bunch of screaming nonsense. If you really have a hankering to watch the Autobots wage their battle to destroy the evil forces of the Decepticons… then you should check out the movie Bumblebee from 2018 instead, it’s just better.

I am intrigued by the tease of a possible crossover with G.I. Joe, though…

In the end, Transformers: Rise of the Beasts is fluff that is better left forgotten. My biggest takeaway here is that Peter Cullen, much like Mark Hamill and Adam West, will always be an instantly recognizable voice from my childhood.