Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey

Driven mad by Christopher Robin having left for college, followed by a harsh winter of loneliness and starvation that forced them to eat Eyore, transforming them into bloodthirsty monsters, Winnie the Pooh and Piglet now murder and consume any humans that dare to enter the 100 Acre Woods.

Right off the bat, this film has what I’d call big “Snakes On A Plane” energy, giving me big “Cocaine Bear” vibes. It’s got that thing in spades where both everything that might be fun and awesome with the premise, as well as the sum total of everything the film is actually capable of delivering, is completely contained within that first moment where you read the film’s title and plot for the first time. That’s it. That’s the peak. That’s the best it’s gonna get. It’s all downhill from there. Because the film itself is just juvenile and dumb and obvious. You can practically hear the excited giggling of the film’s creators because they’re being “very naughty” by having Winnie the Pooh be a serial killer. So edgy! The audience will be positively scandalized!

So, I will say that the woods are definitely scary looking, and the Pooh and Piglet costumes are pretty creepy, plus there’s a bunch of gore, and a bit of cheap nudity, so as far as one-off horror flicks go, it’s got a few things in its favor.

But only a few.

Otherwise, it’s mostly a lot of loosely connected ”horror” vignettes that lean heavily on some overly-familiar slasher film cliches, with the only new aspect being a vaguely Winnie the Pooh/Piglet-looking mask on a pair of large and brutish men, but even this is dulled by the fact that they’re dressed in a very basic and expected “inbred hillbilly” style of dress. It’s really kind of disappointing (and pretty indicative of the true level of the creator’s ability) that it never occurred to them that if they really wanted this to be creepy, they should’ve hewed a little closer to—at least as much as they were legally allowed to—the Disney versions, with Piglet wearing a striped one-piece swim suit the whole time, and Pooh wearing a shirt and no pants. Either way, the reality is with this film,, if you take away the Pooh and Piglet angle, all you really have here is a ho-hum slasher flick of one-dimensional characters in some cliched gore scenes, the execution of which are often a little beyond the limits of the film’s budget.

One thing I thought was funny?

One of the main girls is an Influencer, so she’s going on and on in the beginning how she is going to hang out at the pool and take thirst-traps while they’re at this cabin they’ve rented for their girl’s weekend… a cabin that is within the 100 acre woods, the place where all the mutilated bodies have showing up lately… except when she’s later killed in her tiny bikini by a hulking Winnie The Pooh and Piglet, she is clearly in a hot tub. Not a big deal, but here’s the kicker… the house does have an actual pool. We know this because a completely different girl is later killed in that pool. This is a good example of the kind of shit that you get from amateur Directors and Production Design teams.

Anyway, while definitely not good, Winnie The Pooh: Blood and Honey is not really that bad either, it’s just… unremarkable, mostly. 85 minutes is a good runtime for this film too, as the novelty of the premise wears off really quickly, and also it feels much much longer while you’re watching it.

In the end, I was mostly bored by this. I was also really disappointed that we didn’t get to see Inbred Hillybilly versions of Tigger and Rabbit.