You Again

High school was hell for young Marni, specifically because of the beautiful and popular JJ, the school’s reigning mean girl queen bee. So, eight years later, as Marnie heads home for her brother’s wedding, she is horrified to learn that her brother's fiancee, a woman named Joanna, a woman her entire family adores, a woman that she has yet to actually meet, is also a woman who used to be known… as JJ.

So, yeah… big time wedding drama.

Marnie was your basic Big Nerd in high school. She was the real deal, complete with braces, zits, glasses, and bad haircut, the whole package. Among the many slights and insults and humiliations that she suffered at the hands of JJ and her followers, Marnie was also known as “Moo” because of them, because her initials were M.O.O..

This part made the least sense to me, because what kid regularly uses their middle name? Way back when, when I was in school, middle names were embarassing… for some reason… even if they weren’t weird or stupid. “It’s a family name!” millions of kids have screamed through tears in their school hallways, while everyone else points and laughs. Middle Names were closely guarded secrets, never asked, never answered, protected to the same degree with which a demon will hide its true name from those who have summoned it, lest that person then use that power to chain and control the devil, forcing the fiend to do their bidding. A young person’s middle name was only ever revealed during official school functions, like at a graduation or something, and then, since everyone’s weird-ass middle names were exposed enmass, there was kind of a low-key mutual mocking, a lesser mass burning, a low murmuring chuckle from the crowd, where everyone got it out of their system and then moved on…

But maybe that was just my experience...

Anyway, as I mentioned… Marnie is now blond, beautiful, successful, and coming home to discover that while she was away, being a big city gal, with her big city job, and doing her big city things, her brother had gotten engaged to a woman that Marnie has yet to meet. That’s not a big deal in and of itself, she was a busy big city gal, after all. The problem comes when it turns out that the woman her brother is marrying was once the worst of Marnie’s bullies, not to mention the ruler of the school, for instead of a Dark Lord Football Jock, her school had a queen! Not dark, but beautiful, and terrible as the dawn! Treacherous as the Seas! Stronger than the foundations of the Earth! Worst of all, all (including Marnie’s family) love her, so Marnie despairs…

But Joanna has changed. She’s a nurse. She volunteers. She’s caring and kind. She loves, and she is loved. Marnie’s mother Gail tells Marnie to give Joanna a chance, to forgive and forget, but Gail soon finds herself eating her words when it’s revealed that Joanna's fabulously wealthy, fabulously successful, and also just plain fabulous, Aunt Ramona is actually Gail’s greatest nemesis from high school too, a woman who was once known… as Mona.

Now, these two generations of ladies are going to war, their litany of unresolved grievances lighting a match that will cause these impending nuptials to explode... with some touching hilarity, and a little bit of slapstick to boot.

In theory.

So yeah, as far as the story goes, it’s pretty much exactly what you expect in the exact way that you’d expect it… Marnie was a nerd, but now she’s not. Joanna was a mean girl, but now she’s not. Gail was always number one, but now she’s not. Ramona was always number two, but now she’s not. Everyone has grown and changed.

Or have they…?

But despite the overwhelming predictability, it’s not all bad. There’s tons of funny people here, and some funny stuff. A quick cameo by The Rock, or the moment Jaime Lee Curtis relives her old high school cheerleading days with gusto, not to mention the all-too brief glimpse at the end of a possible Betty White versus Clovis Leachman grudge match, almost makes the film worth watching.

Almost.

The problem is, besides just generally being lackluster, is that the film thinks it’s a warm-hearted rom-com meets a Hallmark movie, when it should’ve been nothing but a Billy Wilder-esque screwball comedy. That misunderstanding of what it should be is the core reason why this film ended up so laboriously contrived. Even playing around while we were watching the film, and guessing at some of the predicatable twists, only ended up illustrating just how unimaginative the whole thing was, as we often found ourselves predicting things that were not just wilder and more ridiculous than what actually happens, but often times, were funnier too.

But like I said, the cast is good, so you’re rooting for the film, but… nope.

It’s just more of the usual, andwithout much passion in the effort too. Encounters will be awkward. Deceptions will be revealed. Enemies will be forgiven. And in the end, true love will win out, and a new family will be forged, but only after some angry recriminations cause a setback at the 2/3rds mark.

Generally unremarkable, save for how incrediblly long ago 2010 now feels, my main take-away while watching You Again is that there’s a reason why, when we stumbled across this trailer, and saw who was in it, my wife and I went: “How come we’ve never heard of this film before?”